I love you Jarem!

It's been awhile since I have written anything on this blog! Not that anyone else besides Jarem and I read this, so oh well! Jarem, I just wanted to write you a note to say how much I appreciate you! I'm probably not the easiest person to live with, and I'm grateful you put up with me. :) This past month or so has been extremely difficult for both of us, and I want you to know that I can't do any of this without your help. You work so hard with school, you try to squeeze in whatever work you can get with your dad or Sussi, and you are just incredible! You're endless service to me never goes unnoticed, and I swore pretty much every day you were on your mission that I would never take you for granted. I know I do sometimes, but I thank my Heavenly Father for you every day. Thank you for your support! Thank you for listening to me when I cry, when my concerns overwhelm me, when I get down on myself, when I have a stupid story to tell you and you act like its a great story... I'm so grateful for even the smallest things! You bring out the best in me, and for that I will never stop thanking you. Being married to you is pure happiness! We have disagreements, difficulties, and misunderstandings... but nothing can dull the joy that I have from being your wife. I love you so very very much, and I know our trials will only be a small moment. Thank you for giving me reassurance and hope, and being the example of endurance I need. I couldn't love you any more than I do right.... nnnnow! :) These words aren't very pretty or poetic, but I couldn't be more sincere. I love you so much! I can't wait to continue experiencing everything with you. I love you I love you . . . . . I love you!
Love always, ME

Random Act of Kindness

Just yesterday, Ashley and I drove up to Sandy to help celebrate my mom's birthday. She turned forty-eight just a few days ago, so....as a random fun thing, Ashley and I made dinner for her and my family. We made these amazing turkey burgers that Ashley has a recipe for. They worked out really great, as all of Ashley's cooking does. (except pancakes, hahaha!!) They tasted so good and it was really fun just to be around family having fun. Afterward, we watched the Christmad devotional and had dessert. I am so grateful for family. Not only my amazing new family. being married to Ashley, but also the fact that both our families are so close to visit, and we are so grateful for all their support and love.

Be happy!!

I don't know what has spurred me to talk about this on a blog today, but oh well. Recently, things have been a bit tough for Ashley and me financially, and so we are looking for additional jobs. The nursing market is difficult, so it is a lengthy search, but soon, hopefully, we will find Ashley a great nursing job. The reason I wanted to blog this, was to remind any readers, and to occasionally remind myself, to BE HAPPY!!!! Things have been tough for us, but that doesn't mean we cant be happy! We have to choose the attitude that we are going to have, with every circumstance in life. So, in accordance with that, I choose to be happy! If nothing else, it makes the sun shine brighter, the crickets chirp louder, and it takes everything that is around us, and part of us, and makes it better. Thank you Ashley, for always making me happy!! Everyone, take a load off yourself, and BE HAPPY! :)

Dreams??...

This past weekend, Ashley and I went to see Inception. It was the coolest movie ever. We waited forever to see it at the dollar theater, because we are THAT rich. Anyway, we loved the movie and were thinking so hard, trying to understand everything that happened. What is still killing me right now is whether or not they made it completely out of all the layers of dreams at the end. You see the man run to his kids, like he wanted to, but when he spins his top, it doesn't stop!!! AH!!!!! Well, we loved watching it, and I'm sure we will watch again!! I will always think differently about my dreams, to make sure no one is hacking into them. Ha ha ha!!

Carvin fun!!!

Halloween is near!!! So Ashley and I went to my grandparents' house, and we carved pumpkins with my side of the family!! It was so fun to see all the different designs that people had made, and to just be together as a family. Here are the designs that Ashley and I did. I searched the internet for about an hour to get my idea. So Ashley did the headless horseman, and I did the Joker from Batman. I hope you enjoy!! Happy Halloween!!!! :)

Anyone want a Coke?

As per request, my Business Communications 320 course have presented me with an awkward yet random and funny situation which I wanted to blog about today. I was assigned the task of buying someone a "Coke" and blogging about their response. Well, it is amazing to see how happy people are, when something random kind thing is done for them. I went into the Maverik gas station, and went to buy a snickers bar. I filled up my 72 oz. cup with Coca-cola and then went to the register to pay for the goods. I bought the candy bar and the drink and then I gave the soda to the guy right behind me. I said, "Here you go, I bought this for you." It turned out that he was a trucker just on his routes through the area. I don't know what he was trucking across the valley, but he was shocked and asked "What's that for?" I just said, "I don't know; just because I guess." And that was it. So now I have officially bought a stranger a Coke. This was fun!!! I'm going to do it again soon!! :)

Ha ha ha ha!!!

Ashley is so hilarious!!! I love to be around her. When describing their new bride, or groom, many newlyweds talk about all this cheesy stuff, like their cute smile, hair, or dimples. Now trust me, if you take the time to read anything on this blog, you will see that we both write plenty of blogs filled with that sort of material, but I just want everyone to know, that Ashley Maree Atkinson is so freaking funny!!! We just have the best times laughing together. She naturally jokes, puns, and funny phrases coming out her ears!!! Really, I have never been happier in my life, than when I am around her. But even more, I just laugh and laugh and laugh at all the good times that we share!! :) :)

Just thinking...

I have just been thinking, these past few days, that...wow, I am married!!! Ashley Maree Atkinson is MY wife! Wow. I have dreamed for, and wanted that for so very long. And now, she is my wife. Things are so amazing. I guess a good question is, where do we go from here? Well Ashley and I had some goals that we set the other night, that should give us some good direction, in the next six months to a year, and on for about five years or so. Ashley, I just want you to know, past all the busy comings and goings of life, that I have never been happier in my entire life than I am right now, with you, the girl of my dreams. I love you princess.

Im so so so happy!!!

Hey there everyone. Im sorry It has been so long since I have posted anything. Ashley and I have been so busy the past month or so, and we have had some amazing changes. We are now finally married, moved into our new apartment here in Provo, and I am going to school as she is now full-time in her nursing job. There are about a million things I could blog about right now, but I really want to just mention briefly something simple yet amazing to me. Now, as an old married man, one of my favorite things about being married is the fact that I wake up every morning with Ashley right next to me. It feels so amazing and so incredible, (beyond what any words could describe) to wake up and see a true sleeping beauty right next to me. I love Ashley with everything that I have, and I feel such a strong enduring happy feeling when I see her lying next to me. It's simple, yet something I have looked forward to for years. Ashley, thank you for being my wife. I love you.

So excited!!!!

I just wanted to take a quick minute to tell Ashley, how excited I am to be sealed to her in the temple, so so soon!!! Ashley, I really cant believe that we are this close. We are less than seven weeks away from being married. I have waited all my life to come across the girl that I would marry. And it is so simple yet so amazing to have realized that that most amazing girl, is my very best friend. What in immense blessing, to soon be sealed to my very best friend. She does so much for me, all the time. She is always there to listen to me. Anytime I have anything on my mind, she is there to support me. I always feel her love and support even when things are so busy for both of us, and our time together is so limited in the day. Ashley, I want you to know, that I love you with ALL my heart. ALL of it. I literally cry at the thought of being with you for eternity. Thank you for everything sweetheart. Im so excited to fulfill my promise to make you laugh every single day. You are my sweetheart, and soon to be my eternal companion. Thank you for everything. I love you with all my heart.

The PROPOSAL!

Move over Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds... this is how the proposal is done! :) I figured it would be easiest to tell the proposal story on a blog so everyone could read it and save me from repeating the story 1.865 billion times! Not that I don't like telling it... but here it is!

I came home from work in the afternoon a week ago to find a huge (really, it was gigantic.) red rose with a card addressed to me on my kitchen table. Not suspicious. :) The card was an invitation to come "dance under the stars' at a dance held in my honor at 7:50pm, and I was instructed to wear church attire. Again, not suspicious. :) So I piddle around all day (well, for like 4 hours) trying my hardest not to think about what was coming up and not spend an excessive amount of time getting ready. So after much much waiting, 7:50 rolls around and this incredibly hot boy dressed in an English suit looking like a million bucks. For the past two years every boy (good looking or not) that has come to my doorstep has been a date for my younger sister Amber. Lucky enough for me it was my turn! So we get in the car and drive...

After a befuddling tour of random residential streets in Draper I ask him where we are going. He pulls into a random drive way. (As anyone who knows Jarem would guess, he has a delightfully depleted sense of direction) Sure enough... we were lost. It wasn't too bad, I admit. :) So we finally get to our destination... the whisper dome in Draper. It is a beautiful park with a large gazebo/dome structure that has crazy acoustics when you're inside (hence the 'whisper' dome) but thats beside the point! It was a beautiful, perfect summer night. The sun was just barely setting, there was a full moon coming up over the mountains and it was warm and amazing! We walked up the ramp (covered in rose petals) into the center of the whisper dome, which was also covered in rose petals. THere were tea light candles at the base of every pillar around the dome, and his ipod was 'magically' plugged into an outlet in the corner. He asked if I would like to dance. Maybe it was my slack-jaw and drooling that told him 'yes' or maybe I spoke it... I can't really remember! So we danced to our song, the first slow song we danced to at a high school dance almost 4 years ago. At the end of the song we just stood there for a minute, holding hands and enjoying the perfect scenery. Then I heard it.
"Ashley, Maree, Smith" (right hand slips inside the suit coat pocket and reaches for "something"... Ashley gapes with an open mouth and a stare similar to a deer about to be hit by an oncoming car... Ashley attempts to cover her mouth from gasping/sobbing/blubbering... Jarem slowly gets down on one knee...) "Will you marry me?"
How long it took me to say anything, I'm not exactly sure. As many of you know I'm an impulsive and moderately sarcastic person and I could not help but think to myself (yes, in all caps) "OF COURSE I WILL YOU FOOL!" But calling someone a fool when they want to be with you forever usually isn't the kindest thing to say, so I just settled for a head nod of "yes" followed by blubbering into his nice suit. I think I did mutter "of course" while blubbering, but you'll have to ask Jarem to validate that.
After we had his frighteningly cunning paparatzi family jump out of the bushes and take a zillion pictures (I swear, they must have a flip book of what went on there were so many!) we went to a fine dining place, Tuberon (??), and got dessert. Mmmmm, so so good! I got a home made cinnamon ice cream with berries on it and Jarem got a creme brule. Then we went back to my house and sat on the porch swing and talked to my parents until late. It was simple, but perfect. (Anyone who can get through my dad to ask me on a date, let alone to ask for my hand in marriage, has accomplished quite the feat... so Jarem has earned the purple heart of the year for that! )
The past 4 years have been such a blessing to me, even though half were spent without Jarem right beside me. As we met each other 5 years ago and became friends, that friendship deepened and grew into something far sweeter than I could have EVER prayed for or imagined. In 7 weeks I have the privelage of being sealed to my best friend. Even though I have experienced so much of my life with him already... I still cry on my knees with gratitude at the opportunity to share the rest of my life with him. He is my hero. I look up to him, love him, honor him, and respect everything he is and will be (even when I impulsively consider calling him a fool when he asks me to marry him... :)). I love who I am when I am around him, I love how he makes me want to improve, I love the hope he brings to me and the comfort and support he so unselfishly offers. What a blessing to have a person like that in your life... and then be sealed to them in 7 weeks. I don't hesitate to say that Jarem was worth every minute of sacrifice his mission was. Jarem, I love you. Thank you for EVERY thing. 7 more weeks...

Unbelieveable!!

Wow. I can hardly believe that you are merely 5 days away from being home!!! What a wild (and wicked!) ride this mission has been. In just a few more days, I will be able to see and hold my sweetheart again. After so many many days away (720!), so many events we missed out on, and so many difficult trials we faced alone, the mission is finally coming to a close. It has, hands down, been the most difficult trial for me in my life. But, on the other hand, it has been the most enormous opportunity to grow and learn from. I wouldn't take back the decision to do this mission... but I would never, ever, repeat it either. :)

Jarem, thank you so very much for everything. The only thing that this mission has changed is how much I love you. You are my best friend! I love you with all of my heart, and I am so so excited (understatement of the century!) to work so hard for the rest of my life to take care of you. It will require real work, and it won't be all sunshine and daisies... I know that. But I literally could not imagine ANY one else who I would rather go on this journey with than you. You are the one who I can give all of my loyalty, all of my devotion, and all of my love to for forever. I can not wait to be able to not only tell you this in a few days, but to show you so so soon. Thank you for everything! I love you. I love you. I love you. One day closer! :)
Love, Ashley

I love you!

Jarem, you're the bomb!!! Thank you so so much for the amazing birthday!! The videos were such a surprise!!!! Ahh! Seeing you for the first time again in, what, 22 months... it took my breath away!!! Ah, thank you so much!! You send me these wonderful letters, cards and tell me how "wonderful" I am. You are such a sweetheart!! Thank you so very very much for making everyday so special, but especially my birthday. I absolutely loved the extra letters and the sweet reminders of how much I love you. March 25 is NOT the best day of the year ( I have to disagree with you on that...) but I really appreciate all of your efforts. Thank you so so much!!! Jarem, I love you so so so much!!! Thank you for an amazing birthday. Hugs and kisses!!! Love, Me

You're my best friend!

Hey I just wanted to write a little note to my sweetheart on his happy birthday!!! Jarem, you think my birthday is the best day of the year?! Pppch, not a chance. This was the day 21 years ago that my sweetheart was born! The day my best friend and companion came to earth! Sure, I kicked you out of heaven 13 days before I showed up, but you cant blame me for making a good entrance! :)
Jarem, you consistantly and frequently amaze me. From your patient listening, to your rock solid advice, to your weird/cactus-like sense of humor... I can never adjust to how amazing my life is because you're in it. I could blabber all day about your good looks, your positive qualities, and reasons I love you. But it's simply summed up with the 3 simple words ' I love you." One great quote I found on my mom's calendar is found on today's date, ironically.

"Often the most loving thing we can do when a friend is in pain is to share the pain-- to be there even when we have nothing to offer except our presence; even when being there is painful to ourselves." -M. Scott Peck

Jarem you have been that friend to me. You have loved me and helped me reach seemingly unattainable goals. You have given me encouragement, comfort, love and a hand to hold in my very darkest hours. There is nothing that could make me happier than to have you sealed to me for forever. I love you so very much. I hope you had such a great day!!! We'll have cake and icecream when you get home! :) I love you. I love you. Happy birthday to the love of my life!

Random Stats!!!

Bad news everyone!! I have found the timeanddate.com. I have discovered some interesting (and quite useless may I add) statistics! The boredom has something to do with my teacher rambling on about how RN's should never delegate an initial assessment to LPN's and blah blah... blah....blah.... (I'm a terrible student).

• Jarem has been alive 7624 days! I have been alive 7611!
• The age difference between Jarem and I is 13 days. Which is 312 hours. Or if we're talking minutes its more like 18,720. Another gigantically entertaining idea is that my parents are 4,412 days apart in age. That is, 12 years and 29 days.
• It has been 1,322 days since Jarem and I began "dating" (officially I suppose) and 4 years 8 months and 5 days since we first met.
• By the time Jarem gets home (only 122 days left) we will have been dating 1,444 days. Yes I'm including his mission! Hah, I don't care!
• And because I can't resist the ridiculously terrible temptation to figure this out... he has exactly 175,680 minutes left! The fact that its 1:30 in the afternoon right now cancels out the fact that he won't be coming back right at midnight on the 27th, so we can justify things that way.

Well, I'm glad my umpteen thousand dollars in tuition money is going to use... haha! Happy time and date every one!

2010... a sight for sore eyes!

Wow, 2010! I can't believe its here!! Even though its a few months until Jarem is actually home, the fact that it is the year he will be home is a victory in and of itself!! Talking to Jarem on Christmas was so so so good!! I tend to forget just how much I love him, how much I miss his companionship, and wish he was here... and the instant I hear his voice it all comes back so quickly!!!
2010 has a lot of obstacles to overcome. I have a few weeks left of nursing school (forever, I hope) and Jarem is still working his buns off over in freezing cold England! The hurdles are huge, but the journey continues and we are learning and growing every day. Jarem, I love you so very much and can't wait for 146 days to pass (who is counting though) until I see you again!

It just keeps getting better!

I spent a lot of time with my friends last week. We went and saw New Moon midnight showing and it was bloody fantastic!! It was so much fun! I love my friends! They have seen me at my craziest and understand me when I'm being a hormonal wreck. :) But I have learned something very very tender to my heart.

No matter how excited and hyper I am to see a movie I bought tickets for 2 months in advance, or how many activities I do with my friends or with youth groups, there is always something missing. There is an unmistakable void that nothing can quite ever fill. People tell me all the time to go out and have fun (which I do) and to enjoy life (which I am). But I have realized something I will be forever grateful for.

Nothing in this world makes me as happy as Jarem does. Nothing has ever given me the feeling of pure joy like being with Jarem did. I miss him so so much. He is my BEST friend, my companion, my advocate, and my support. I aspire to be my noblest, most virtuous self when I am around him, and I don't deserve to have someone this good. But here he is, and I'm going to give every ounce of energy to prepare myself for all that is ahead of us. I love you, so very very much Jarem. Being in love with you... it just keeps getting better!!!!!

Thankful!!

Besides being 191 days away from seeing my sweetheart again (praise the Lord!), today is Thanksgiving! I honestly wish it came more than once a year, because people in general forget so frequently how blessed we truly are.
In my institute class on Monday my teacher gave us a powerful statistic. If any one of the following three facts are true, you are better off than 70% of the rest of the world:
1) You have more than one pair of shoes
2) You have more than one choice of food to eat for a meal (for example you would either have rice OR beans, but not both)
3) You have more than 1 mode of transportation (meaning, a bike and a scooter).

70% of the world!!! We complain when we don't have the right brand of shoes or one of our cars has some trouble. We think nothing of having 5 different items to eat for dinner, and we certainly don't realize the blessings of living in a clean, disease-free environment. And these are just physical blessings, not even touching on the grounds of having the gospel in your life.

We have everything to be thankful for. I wish there was someway I could personally make a difference in turning the selfish, greedy attitudes of the world around into a more humble and grateful society. But alas, all you can do is be the kind of change you wish you could see in the world, however cheesy that may be. :) I am so grateful I have a best friend and a sweetheart all in the same person. Life just doesn't get sweeter than having that blessing, except making that relationship eternal. I'm so thankful for all that I have.

In Love With My Best Friend

How can time pass so slowly and so ridiculously fast at the same time?? I can't believe that in 2 months I can talk to Jarem on the phone again! It seems like a week ago it was Mothers Day and I was talking to him. Wow, time flies!

I just got 2 incredible letters today from Jarem and I literally feel like my heart is broken. It has officially burst from the inside out!! I cry when I think of how unselfish and loyal he is. To think of his sacrifice and hard work. His diligence to the Lord and his devotion to me. Other people who "fall into love" become so absorbed in the physical presence and appearance of that person that they can't feel the true, deep, bond that truly holds you together. I can't find words to express how it feels to have this kind of bond in your life. To know that you can heave every single ounce of energy and effort, all the hope and faith you are capable of giving and all of your dreams into one person... and never be disappointed.

At this time, Jarem is unsure of the next step in his mission due to heath concerns. I feel completely comfortable and at ease. I pray until the skin on my knees is raw for my sweetheart. He can not fail with the Lord on his side and I know that as a dedicated messenger of the Savior, Jarem is divinely protected and watched over. If I literally lived a million years spending every single day in worship, it would not touch the amount of gratitude and love I have for my Heavenly Father; for all my blessings but especially Jarem. I love him with a love no earthy being could understand. This time apart is so bitter, but it will make our time together more sweet than anyone could imagine. Jarem, I love you. It seems empty writing it on a screen, but with my whole heart I mean it when I say it. I LOVE you.

So blessed!

Does anyone just have those days where you wake up and you just can't believe your life is real because of how lucky you are? "Blessed" should replace the word lucky in reality, but still. Sometimes throughout my day I just loose my breath thinking of how lucky I am. My circumstances (housing, food, family, schooling opportunities, a job, etc) are ideal. How could I ever ask for more?

This past week has been one of those unbelievable weeks where I have realized how supernally blessed I am to have Jarem. Even though its been over 2 weeks since a letter from him (torture to its fullest extent!), I just can't believe it's happening to me. I complain a lot about my responsibilities and how difficult things are for me, but I still live everyday with the thought in my heart, " I wouldn't trade places with ANYone in this world." Nobody can truly understand how much I ache to not have him here... or how much it means to me to have him be home in 240 days!!! My life is a precious gift, and having someone like Jarem on my side gives me so much determination to make something wonderful out of it!

Jarem, you are the love of my life. Its unreal how much joy you give so unselfishly to me. Thank you for helping my life to be so full and so beautiful! I could not ask for ANYTHING more!!!

09-09-09!

What a momentous day in history!! Only 269 days left of this mission business!! Yipee do hah! Plus, its 09-09-09, which I think is pretty stellar too. :)

Things are so incredibly busy for both of us. Jarem is a zone leader, which he doesn't like people knowing, because it draws attention to himself. Noone reads this blog anyways, so I guess its not that big of a deal... and I am getting ready for finals next week! I had to write something on 09-09-09, because that is a cool date and September is my favorite month ever! It blows my mind away to think that in about a years time, give or take a few days/weeks/who knows, we will be making our infamous trip to San Diego!!! Then I can rid myself of my hideously common last name! (Even though it's not a bad name...)

I just wanted to write a quick something for Jarem (seeing as how I'm in a test review and should probably be paying attention...). Jarem, I am SO proud of you! Throughout all of your duties and responsibilities, you are such an incredible example to me continually! You are tireless, diligent, and as always, obedient. You set the bar so high that some days I wish you weren't so good because it makes me look bad! :) I know people make it seem like we miss out on so much being alone for two years. It is lonely, and I do miss being around you. But what is it worth? What is the pay off? Why do I bother counting down days? I get glimpses at random times looking at the lives of those around me. Spending every day, every moment and those experiences that make life sweet and satisfying, with you, would completely surpass my deepest hopes and dreams. Having a best friend is an unspeakable blessing. Having a sweetheart and someone to love is wonderful. How I got both in the same person... will be a mystery to me forever.

On your missionary poster/countdown temple thing on the wall there is a quote that I love and it helps me on so so many hard days. It is a quote by the wife of President Boyd K. Packer that I cut out from the church news. It says, "When you see somebody as good as he is, you have to make the effort." That is completely true! When I see your picture on the wall and realize how much you are sacrificing to serve the Lord, it kicks my butt into gear! I want to be my best self, serve others, have more charity, live life more fully, and be obedient. You lift my eyes to higher goals and set my heart on purer objectives. Jarem, thank you from the bottom of my heart for not only being the love of my life, but for being my best friend through so much. You have truly given me wings to fly and accomplish so much in my life.

I love you. One day closer to you!!!

300 days left!

Oh yeah! You better believe it bay bay! Only 300 more days (and probably less, but I'm not going to get worked up about that... yet!) and I am cruisin! I made Jarem's fam cupcakes and wrote on them with icing in a variety ways "300!". They definitely think I've gone cuckoo for cocoa puffs, no doubt about it.

Jarem's health continues to remain beneath normal expected levels (aka, it's cruddy), but he is happy! I admire him so so much for both his attitude and his perserverance. Any normal person would have called it quits long, long ago. But Jarem doesn't brake his stride with his work or his outlook on everything. How he can continue is beyond me, and heavenly help is undeniably there. He is a teaching machine, he is growing so much personally, and he is having a blast playing tricks on companions who so dare to fall asleep in his presence! (He made a moustache made of nutella on his companion as he slept and put some kind of hat on him so he looks like Charlie Chapman! Haha!)

I get tired of hearing the stupid phrase "attitude is everything," blah blah blah... :). (I'm a sarcastic individual by nature). But looking at Jarem and all he has gone through on his mission with health, investigators, his less-than-ideal surroundings with weather, etc... he has never once complained. Ever. He never allows those tiring and burdensome factors bring him down. It takes someone with real courage to go through all that he has and I don't care what anyone else thinks. He is dedicated and focused and the most hard working person I have ever come in contact with (with the possible exception of my parents). I honestly admire him so much as a person. I can only pray that one day I could live up to the standards he sets. 300 days left until I see him again, and not a minute more!

Happy-Birthday-Number-Of-Days-Left!

I do not need to hear it from anyone because I already know... I - am - a -nerd! I know this!

This title comes from a random game/thing me and my sister have done forever, and I taught it to Jarem. Whenever a clock says the time 3:25 it is called my "happy birthday time" because (try and figure this out...) my birthday is March 25. Last summer when gas prices were crazy high, I remember seeing gas as being $3.25... so happy birthday gas prices! Or (as I saw once at Jarem's house a few months ago) his mom was making cookies and the oven temperature was 325 degrees; so happy birthday. . . oven temperature? She thinks I am absolutely psychotic cause I tried to explain it to her and it made no sense!

The other reason some may question my levels of mental capacities is because I know how many days are left on his mission! 312! Since March 12 is Jarems birthday, today is his happy birthday number of days left!!!

I had to restrain myself from counting down sooner, but I knew once we made it to the year mark, there isn't nothin' stopping me now! And every day that goes by he is closer to being home! Yes, I have happy times while he has been gone. I laugh, I go out with friends (solar eclipse event), I make jokes, and I go out and have fun. There is an element of me missing though, no matter how hard I try to fill the void. And for that, noone can blame me for counting down the days! So everyone needs to shush!

Jarem, I love you so much! I'm being patient, I'm being patient, I'm being patient.... Here is to one less day of silent torture!

3 Years!! And loving every minute!

Wow!!! Today marks the day that Jarem technically "asked me" to date him... and technically the day I said I would (just in case anyone was wondering what I said...)! Unbelieveable! It has been a crazy ride, but I wouldn't trade one moment of it for the world.

I recently found an interesing paper in my old journal. It's a little something my BYU Book of Mormon teacher calls "The 42-point Check List" for qualities I want in a husband. I wrote this June 9, 2003 (I found the date slightly ironic), so I was 14 and relatively clueless. I decided it would be amusing to share it on this day... the day I began dating my sweetheart! Keep in mind I can't change what I wrote, but despite its amusing-ness and slight superficiality, Jarem proudly qualifies on every single point! Some, he absolutely blows my expectations clear out of the water, and other he squeaks by on qualification, but nevertheless! So, here is my famous list! (and this is "in no particular order of importance" as I disclaimed at the top of my list over 6 years ago).

1. Taller or as tall as me (check!)
2. Has (at least somewhat) a sense of humor... (way to squeak by! haha, just kidding!)
3. Likes dogs, because we will have one (check!)
4. Likes Italian and/or Mexican food (WTF !?) (check!)
5. Clean cut fingernails (check!)
6. Older than me (check! by 13 days!)
7. Like/love/tolerate with a happy attitude camping (check! He loves it!)
8. Have a love/talent/appreciation for music (insert noise of this 'check' blowing my expectations out of the freaking water!)
9. Treats me like a lady (check! He has NEVER missed a door or chair, no matter how seemingly insignificant the event.)
10. Loves the gospel (check! He's on a mission... helllloooo!)
11. Strong-physically mostly, but spiritually as well (check! He's got nice guns, not gonna lie!)
12. Temple worthy (check!!)
13. A good leader (check! In bishopric at Y, DL, ZL, etc etc)
14. Fun to be with/around (check! I miss being with him.)
15. Romantic (check! I'll spare the details... :)
16. Honors his priesthood authority (check!)
17. Likes BYU (check! duh.)
18. Have a strong testimony (check! steadfast and immoveable bay bay!)
19. Be (somewhat at least) a good cook (check! He really is an awesome cook!)
20. Patient (double check! He has put up with me for3 years.... case in point)
21. Has a stomach to go on roller coasters (another WTF) (check!)
22. Attracted to me and also attractive himself (check! at very least the second one is true.)
23. Good driver (. . . . .check? Haha, sometimes a bit scary...)
24. Has to be an RM (check! in progress, that is... :)
25. Has to have a 'wild side' (perhaps the biggest WTF) (check? He's not that wild... only on the weekends!)

So there ya go! :) Some of them seem completely and totally irrelevant ( see numbers 4, 21, and 25), but he manages to pull them all off! When you are 14, you are imagining your husband as some dashing prince in shining armor who is perfect in every way. You dream of marrying someone with every possible admirable trait -- accounting for reality rarely (if ever) occurs. People have faults and shortcomings- noone is exempt. I know Jarem isn't a perfect person with absolutely no flaws or undesireable characteristics.

But I do know what Jarem is: He is incredible. His goodness, his humility, his talents and abilities, and his capacity to grow and change for the better is astounding to me. Love, to me, isn't just a word that is synonymous with 'romance' or 'twitterpated', although they might be small components of it. Love to me is, really, the driving force for everything in this world. As cheesey and cliche as this sounds I believe in it. It is a feeling and a bond that can truly bring about miracles. Not just love between a boy and a girl. Love brings hope, change, and comfort to neighbors, friends, coworkers, strangers, and family members alike. For me, this force has given me determination to put myself through nursing school, and continue to work at one of the world's most exhausting jobs as a CNA. Love has encouraged me to stretch my capacities and reach out to those in need. The love Jarem has freely and constantly given to me has opened my eyes to the unlimited potential my life has... and it has truly given me wings to fly. This goes the other direction; without the love for the gospel and the Savior, Jarem would not be serving a mission and many many lives in England would still be resting in darkness. Love is an amazing force that can do amazing things!

So, on the 3rd year mark of this exciting and wonderful exodus of 'us'... I just want to tell Jarem how much I love him! I admire you! I respect everything you do and stand for. You were my friend before you were my sweetheart, but now that you're both... I get the best of both worlds!! :) What a privelage it is to have you in my life (even if you are 5,000 miles away)! I could not have possibly dreamed of the happiness I feel knowing that what we are doing individually and together is right. I love you.

I'm forever yours, faithfully. -Me

364 DAYS TO GO!!

Can I get a "pah -RAISE the Lord!" and a "Hallelujah!" ?!?
WOW. I can not believe it has been one year. Well, in all actuality I can. :) This is such a happy day for me, and I thought it would never get here! Waiting one year seems do-able in my book, so I guess I can hang in there for at least one more year! In Jarems last letter to me he said that because of visa reasons he actually has to come home about 10 days earlier, but I'm not going to get too ahead of myself on that subject...

This mission has been a journey. It has been one of the most difficult tasks for me in my life thus far. Although I can complain until I'm blue in the face, I couldn't deny the wonderful blessings that have come because of Jarem serving. What a wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for both of us to learn and grow. I would love to wave a magic wand and have this upcoming year instantaneously be gone, but there are too many opportunities that would be passed up. I would never take this sacred mission experience away from Jarem; it is something he has dreamed of since he was a little boy. I, quite frankly, never had the dream of putting myself through 2 years of waiting-for-a-missionary torture, but what can I say? Love makes you do crazy things. :) Hah, you gotta love cliches!

Jarem, I love you! I love you infinitely more than I did when you left and I am infinitely more excited that we are on the downward slope for this mission! Hurry and grow lots, have fun, don't get mugged or shot or robbed, and especially don't accept offers to hang out and smoke pot with the Muslims outside your flat! I guess most importantly, learn what the Lord needs you to learn so you can become the person who you need to be. I love you so much!

Here's to counting down the days...

I'm trading in Jarem for a newer model!

Alright, I admit... I wouldn't trade Jarem in for anything the world could possibly offer, but his poor body should have come with a warranty! I found out the wonderful news today that he will probably need another surgery (it's a different problem this time, what a huge surprise). It is really hard for me. It truly is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do... to be almost 5,000 miles away from my best friend while he suffers (with multiple ailments) and is in pain. It is killing me softly! :) I can't do ANYthing! I want to just throw in the towel and quit! The only 2 things that are keeping me from going insane are:
1) It is literally impossible for me to be tried with a challenge I can't overcome
2) I love Jarem enough to not impede on his mission or distract him from the work

Jarem, I'm so sorry you have to go through all that you have been asked to. Actually, I'm not necessarily sorry. I'm glad you have challenges, but I am sorry that I can't share your burdens and make your load lighter. I would do anything to help ease your pain. I know I have a testimony of the gospel and the work that you are taking forth to all the world. I can't give in now. I won't. I love you. I love you more than I did yesterday when I woke up! One day, when I can see you again and all of this (insert choice of negative word) is behind us, these difficult times will make our happy times even more sweet. I can't tell you how much I love you. I will support you through whatever storms you're asked to pass through. You are the love of my life, and I would not have it any other way. Miss you lots! Love you even more! -Ashley

Day 300!

Wow, today is day 300 of this mission madness! It's relieving to think that this much time has gone by already, and kinda scary to think of how the next 300 will go. I hope they go by quickly.

Jarem, I know you won't be able to read this for many months, but I hope you know how much I support you! I wish I could be there to help you, encourage you, and comfort you when times get hard. I wish it so badly that it physically hurts sometimes. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger... which is proving to be true over and over again as you are away! I love you so much more than I did when you left, it's difficult for me to comprehend. I'm so grateful for you in my life.

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." -Ambrose Redmoon

It was a frightening step into the dark when you left on your mission. There were (and still are) so many, many unknown variables and possible outcomes. I would not necessarily say I have been courageous during all of this, but I know that putting the Lord first is an essential part of my life. True, untainted love and a virtuous desire to create a family unit centered on Jesus Christ and His gospel is much more important than me being lonely for a few months (or years). It has eternal consequences whose ripples will effect more lives than just yours or mine. Family, and the hope of one day having the privelage of creating my own, is judged much higher in my book than the fear of the unknown. Remember, with God nothing is impossible. I love you Jarem, more than words could ever convey. I miss you and hope you are learning and growing as much as I am! All of my love, Ashley

Jarem's expecting... its been 9 months!!!

Okay, okay, so the two subjects in the title of the blog are two separate issues (thank heavens!). First off, 9 months ago today Jarem left for England! I can't believe it has been so long since I've seen my sweetheart! The weeks go by quickly but each day holds its separate struggle. For me, I can't just say I've waited 9 months, because 9 is a whimpishly small number. Not one day goes by where I don't think of him, pray for him, and wish that he is doing the best he is capable of. So, I get a more triumphant feeling to say I have waited 274 days... because the number is bigger and I get more pride out of that one. :)

The second portion of the blog title (about Jarem expecting) has to do with transfers. He's gonna be a papa now! On Tuesday Jarem's companion (of 5 or 6 months I think) was transferred, and Jarem will now be training a greenie- straight from the MTC. So in Jarems mission they term the trainer as the Dad (or papa) and the trainee is the "son." I think these terms reach the limit of creativity that a bunch of 19 and 20 year old boys can reach, so it is only mildy amusing to the rest of us. :) No, I'm kidding. Jarem was exuberant in his last email, ending his email with "I'm expecting!!!!!" So only time will tell how crazy being a trainer will make him.

Things are going well for both Jarem and I. Jarem is healing from his hernia repair surgery over a month ago (finally!) and he will be back to full proselyting next week. With training someone, Jarem will now have even less time than he did before due to the full brunt of the missionary work being placed on his shoulders. He is busy but loving it! He is in great spirits and is loving his time he has to prepare for the rest of his life. He wouldn't be able to do much, if anything, without the many prayers and fasting he has received from all of his family. I'm grateful for everyones prayers in his behalf, because I know it is a pillar of strength in his life.

I am... extremely busy to say the least. I started a new semester about 3 weeks ago at school, and am now submerged in more intense classes. I have an added 8 hours of clinicals a week to do at a hospital 30+ miles away (and I have to be there at 5:30 am! Joy to the world!). This is in addition to 24 required hours of a psych rotation at an adolescent lock-down unit, 10 hours of lab hours, reading homework every night, and working 24 hours a week. So I'm staying busy as ever, which prevents me from moping around and missing Jarem too terribly much. :) My social life has all but whithered and died, but I suppose its the price I'm asked to pay (besides my umpteen thousand dollars of tuition) to get through nursing school. I only have 11 more months of prison, then I will be free forever!!!!

So on this 9 month mark of Jarem being gone its time to celebrate! No baby showers (at least not for the expecting Papa Jarem) or the like, but it makes me stop and thank Heavenly Father for continually blessing my every step through this mission experience. I could not do this without him, and I could not make it through all I have without my incredible Jarem to help me as well!

Welcome 2009! ! !

Wow. What a wild past few months this has been!! As Jarem has left for his mission, there has been a holy whirlwind of emotions!

I have been extremely busy with nursing school and working as a CNA and Jarem has been working his butt off in the wonderful, pub-packed city of Halifax! Thankfully, we are both immersed with our separate activities and we are finding time is passing (surprise!) and we are now welcoming in a beautiful new year! I am so distracted by the fact that it is 2009... and next year my sweetheart finally comes home!! Time passes strangely these past few months... the days are long (and usually filled with thoughts of how Jarem is coping with his never ending injuries...) but the weeks seem to fly by! Still, each day takes a concentrated effort to keep going and is strengthening my own resolve to follow what the spirit has confirmed are the right paths to take in my life.

Jarem is enjoying his mission... when he isn't sick, in the hospital, or hobbling around on assistive walking devices. So far, he has succeeded in tearing his ACL back in August, breaking his toe, and contracting pink eye multiple times. Besides this, he has the constant companionship of a spastic back, common colds, and strep throat. The nurse inside me is screaming! But, as heavenly father knows best, I am now getting my fair share of lessons in patience, faith, and sincere prayer. It doesn't help the worry that he is in a city with the highest percentage of pubs per square mile. He wakes up every night (at least once) to ambulance sirens, screaming, fighting, and anything else you can imagine. His guardian angels are getting a work out, and I owe them big time!

I am staying busy with nursing school, almost done with my first real semester. Between clinicals, school full time, work, and jogging I am staying busy. I have no health problems to report, but I am extremely thankful for the blessing of a working body free of diseases and illnesses. I love getting letters from my Jarem, and can't express my gratitude and appreciation for his example! He is the most wonderful and supportive friend and confidante I could have dreamed of. With him by my side, I could not fail at anything that came my way!!! He is really my best friend and, as impossible and hopeless as it seems at times, our bond has strengthened during this almost 7 months of being apart!

I had the wonderful opportunity to talk to Jarem on Christmas! I wasn't as emotional as I expected, but it was so amazing to hear his voice! It was like we hadn't been apart at all! I was able to tell him I love him (despite my phobia of saying it in front of his family) and thats all that mattered to me. I am so happy the time is passing by easier now and he is having much success with the work! I can't wait for it all to be over though...

So, to all those naysayers who doubt mine and Jarem's decisions... things are going better than ever! :) We are both growing so much and learning to become the people the Lord sees within us. Although there are moments of doubt, dispair, and confusion, my Heavenly Father has unfailingly pulled through for both of us as we continue our journey together.

A Fun Date...

As the days are nearing my leaving for England, I thought it would be really fun and sweet to plan a date with my sweetheart, Ashley. I told her to set apart the day, so that I could have all the time I needed to share this date with her. She didn't know anything about the date, and I think the surprise went pretty good!!

First, I came and picked her up to take her to All-a-Dollar so we could find some stunnin' shades for the good weather. After struttin our stuff in our America's Best commercial with our new shades, we headed off to a memorable place for us both.

We drove up Parley's Canyon, to the spot of grass in front of the church, by the trail that leads down to where you shoot the tube. This is the place where we shared our amazing beautiful first kiss together. Here we read scriptures together and prayed together. Afterwards, we were able to share a wonderful, heart-felt kiss together. I cannot right words that express the strong, pure, and clean love that we were able to share there. I am certain that Ashley remembers this amazing kiss.

As we drove back down the canyon, I was able to hold Ashley's hand. Although that may seem very small and insignificant, to me, even the small things, like holding my sweetheart's hand, and helping her out of the car, are so special to me, and I feel so lucky to be able to do those things for my sweetheart.

Next we went to Market Street Grill. This has been our favorite restaurant for quite a while, for their amazing clam chowder. We ordered bowls of it until we were full and completely sure we had filled all the room of our stomachs with the amazing taste of their clam chowder.

After eating all the soup that we could, we went down a stream I already knew about, along the benches of the mountains. That weekend, with the warm weather, alot of the snow from the mountains was melting so the stream was going very fast and was very high. So, instead of walking down the stream, we just put our feet in. At first it was very cold, but we soon got used to the feeling of the water (probably cause our feet were numb by then). We were able to just relax there with our feet in the water and talk together.

Since I have ever known Ashley, she has always been truly the most beautiful girl that I have known. I dont know what it was, but there was something, being able to sit at that stream, near the amazing, tall, colorful mountains, next to my sweetie, that felt so special to me. As I would look over to her, while talking, I couldn't help but notice some small, simple, yet amazing things about Ashley. The sun beat down on her gorgeous blonde hair, her big blue eyes looking into mine. As I have previously felt, there I, again, heard a small voice, a warm comfortable feeling coming over me, telling me...Jarem, this is right.

As we continued with our date, we then drove to Hale Center Theatre where we watched a funny, great play about Annie Oakley. It was hilarious and great just to share that time with Ashley.

More than anything else I felt during that date, amongst all the planning and the successful outcome of it, my greatest reflection was that small still spirit that I felt with her. There is something so neat, to realize we can be on a date, and feel of the spirit there. As we can share a kiss, in the place where we shared our very first kiss, to have the spirit there with us, is a wonderful, peaceful, and pure feeling I would not trade for anything.

Tender Mercies...

It has been a while since I have posted anything, and today I really felt touched by the Spirit and thought I would share my experience with Ashley.

To date, it is two weeks until I leave for the MTC in England. These past few days have been some of the most spiritual days of my life. Thinking about the new while in my life, living and serving in England, brings me to tears. Since a child, my dream has been to become a missionary as Elder Bednar spoke about a couple years ago. I have long pictured myself in a suit with a black name tag that says Elder Jarem D. Atkinson on it, just above the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I have desired this all my life and in two weeks I will be a representative of the Lord.

Knowing deep in your heart that you are doing what is right, is a feeling I cannot express with words. I can tell you I would not trade those feelings for anything in the world. There is no better feeling than to KNOW that you are returning to your Heavenly Father, that you are fulfilling your destiny and purpose of being on this earth. From family time, to alone scripture time, I know this to be what I should be doing, and where I should be going. It has been such a blessing to have my family all around me, meeting for basic yet vital activities such as family scriptures in the morning, and family prayer at night. These are some of the tender mercies I have experienced in the past little while that, although they may seem small, make all the difference in having a good day.

I am so excited to bring this wonderful and beautiful gospel to the people of England who are seeking the warm, infinite love that their Heavenly Father has for them. To be able to teach them of a member of the Godhead, the Holy Ghost, who warns us when we are in danger, comforts us when we are feeling down, and can testify to us that there is a divine power from above, namely a God, Heavenly Father, who loves each and everyone of us, and has a plan for each of us to return to Him, and be like Him, to have eternal families and the many great blessings therein. I am humbled and honored, blessed and comforted, to know that I will soon be able to share such experiences and blessings with you, Ashley, my sweetheart.

A day at the temple...

Recently, Ashley and I had the priviledge to go to the Provo Temple to do baptisms for the dead. It was such a wonderful experience for both of us. As I have been through the temple and taken out my endowment, I was able to do the confirmations and the baptisms. This was so special for us. I have never previously been able to do baptisms myself and it just felt so humbling to know that I now am able to do that. The power of the priesthood is so incredible, and so important on this earth. The ordinances we did there in the temple are a couple of many that Christ would do if he were here on the earth today, but instead worthy priesthood holders are able, with the correct authority, to do God's work. It was again, just a wonderful feeling to think of the work we did for those who have passed on before us, and I hold it dear to my heart, incapable of even being able to describe it with words. The temple is such a wonderful and beautiful place and it was so special for us to go and do work for some of the Lord's children.

Overwhelmed!!!

Wow. I can't even begin to thank Jarem- my sweetheart- for the most thoughtful, considerate, and time consuming present I have ever received! It means the world to me, as does he. I have had SO much schoolwork, so many family "occurrences", disappointments, tests, and emotional struggles these past 2 weeks it is incredible. I could go on for ever thanking Jarem for his truly AMAZING example. There are no words to describe what we have together.

I would not trade anything in place of the blessing of having Jarem. Not only has he reached down and pulled my discouraged and tired body into an upright position, but he has given me the Christ-like love and encouragement to find the strength to continue. Prophets have said that God does hear us, and he does answer our prayers, but it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Not only is Jarem one of the sharpest tools in the shed, but as far as my needs are concerned, he is the most worn down tool used by our Heavenly Father to help me. A true answer to prayer.

It is so exciting to see him turning into such a powerful young man of God who is constantly filled with the spirit. As he goes to serve in Leeds England, a lot of things will change, yet the most important things will not. I am very excited to see him learn how to serve, teach, work hard, and have his spirituality skyrocket! I am excited to pursue my own endeavors with nursing and learn skills that will equip me to be (most importantly) a mother in Zion as well as financially capable. Neither of us want to on our 'San Diego trip' yet, because we both have so so much work ahead.

How can we do it? As my brother, in his thoughtful typical male-like way, offered these words of encouragement, "You know, there is a higher probability of him coming home gay than there is for you waiting for him on his mission." And I thank him for those comforting words.... I just simply feel like it is a blessing, these two years. I would make any personal sacrifice... whether it is time (which it will be), emotional times, frustrations or whatever to go there with Jarem. The price tag people put on "2 whole years!" or being "physically apart" are definitely worth paying to have the indescribable gift of having a righteous and loving family that will perpetuate into the eternities. What more could I, or anyone else, ask for in a young man than every quality and trait that Jarem possesses? He is so amazing and I love him lots and lots! And lots!!

Happy Birthday Ashley!!!...

The day is finally here! Ah!! Happy Birthday Ashley!! I hope you will enjoy your surprise! This is a website I have been working on for three months! It has blogs about you, me, and some other special thoughts I have had. There are a few blogs to your family and my family, and just a couple I wanted to put on to remember!! I thought I would give you this for your birthday, so you can remember some of the great times we have had together!! It's all for you sweetheart!

Ashley, I hope you have the very best birthday! You deserve the best of everything this world has to offer. Thank you for always being the greatest example to me, for lifting me up, for caring, for being my best friend. You are my sweetheart Ashley. I am so excited to experience so many things with you, as we grow old together. Thank you for being you, the beautiful daughter of God I know you are. You are such an amazing person with so much in store for you. Thank you for blessing my life in so many ways. I hope I can begin to bless yours.

I have it set up so that you can also blog on this website. Since it is for you, I cant tell you what you have to do, but I would hope that you wouldnt read all the blogs on the first day (just so you have a little something to look forward to for a few days?!). It has been so fun and so uplifting to write these different blogs. We have had some of the very best times together, and I know I would not trade them for the world! What we have is SO special and it means everything to me. Thank you for all that you do, and I hope you enjoy your birthday present. I love you.

I'll Go to the Temple Someday...

This beautiful Easter weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to go through the temple to take out my endowment, in preparation for my mission. I entered the wonderful house of the Lord with my parents, my aunt and uncle, and my grandparents. The temple is such an amazing place where you can simply walk in and immediately feel the spirit all around you.

It was an incredible and humbling feeling to know that I could be worthy to enter into His house and make covenants with God that I will keep for the rest of my life. That morning, there was such a sincere feeling of the spirit, and family, as I went through the session with some of my closest family there with me. We fasted that morning, so that we would be able to feel of the spirit and be able to comprehend a little of what was going on in the temple. There are many feelings so sincere and sacred that I will not blog about, but I can for simple and short terms say that the spirit there in the temple is like no other spirit that I have ever felt previously.

After my great experience, we went to lunch at the Garden. This is a picture of the temple from the windows of the Garden. From the outside, the temple appears like such a curious, interesting, beautiful building, but the real beauty resides within the temple walls. There are feelings within His house that will be felt no where else on this earth, and I am just so very grateful that I could share those feelings with some of my family this weekend, and I am so excited to go to the temple many times in the near future, and later with my sweetheart, Ashley.

A Letter of Thanks...

Dear Dee and Marjorie Smith,

It is so amazing, the idea of families here on earth; the possibility that through these families we can prevail on this earth. Amongst the trials and temptations we face each day, we have been given a way that we can rise about it all, a way that we can find our ground, atop the foundation of the gospel, with its cornerstone, the plan for an eternal family. I love this plan that we have been given, to succeed through our strengths as a family. You two are such great examples of a mother and father that always lift up your children and are such steady pillars of faith when it comes to the trying times we are required to face. If you were to measure success of parenting by the outcomes of their children, you would be some of the greatest parents there are. Ashley is such a beautiful daughter of God, who always has a light about her that she brings to all around her that simply need a little more light or direction. As I have been able to get to know you two, I have learned that she has such amazing parents that always stand as witnesses of Christ in all things and all places. Thank you for raising such an amazing daughter who blesses so many people within her life (one being me). It is such a blessing just to know her and to be her friend. She is the most selfless person I have ever met, always...always seeking to help all those around her, before ever thinking of her own needs. Sometimes I feel like its not fair that I even get to know her and feel of her kindness to so many people. Ashley has shown me how I can be a better person and get outside of myself and go serve people. All I have ever seen in Ashley is such a Christlike love for everyone around her. The light of Christ within her shines so beautifully on the inside that it completely covers her outside and makes her shine with such an amazing brighness that touches many people. I am so grateful that I could be one of the many people lucky enough to feel and see of her love, caring, and friendship. Thank you both for all that you do. You are great examples to me in many things that you do everyday. The sacrifices that you make are incredible to witness, and I know that you both have such a great love for this gospel as do I. I am so excited to soon go on my mission to serve His people. Thank you for being those beautiful bright lights in this dark world that are so comforting, so inviting, and so pure.

Sincerely,

Jarem Atkinson

A Special Day!...

My birthday was this week!! Here at school, swimming in deep pools filled with books, assignments, tests, and heavy schedules of classes, we all find ourselves so busy! As my birthday approached, I accepted the fact that I would literally have classes or study/homework until about nine or ten and I was alright with that. I have never really expected anything for my birthday. And amongst all the classes and busy schedule, Ashley made my birthday such a wonderful and special day to me.

Ashley I just wanted to say thank you! Ashley, you make every day of mine so special and so fun. You especially made my birthday such a great day! Thank you. I never needed the extra attention, any gifts, or special things on my birthday, but I really mean it, you made it SO special. Thank you for thinking of me, for all the many cute things that you do Ashley.

When I had finished all my classes and came home just for a few minutes before I would go out for more studying, I came into my room, a room filled with tons of balloons! I couldn't even see the floor!! And on my bed was more confetti than they have on New Years!! In the kitchen was an amazingly cute banner, and that's not all.

After I was done for the day, around ten, as Ashley took me over to her place just for a few minutes, I opened the door, to be surprised by a TON of people!! Probably twenty!! There was birthday cake and everything!! She also made me the best salsa ever for my birthday!

Ashley, I really could not ask for more. Thank you for the many things that you do for me. You are always so cute to me and you are always so thoughtful and you really make my every day so wonderful! You make everyone around you so happy and so bright. As they see your beautiful face, it makes them happy! Thank you for allowing me to be one of those blessed people. You are my best friend Ashley. I love you.

Good Times...

Here are a few pictures of some good memories I have with my Ashley.

Ridin' up the lift at Snowbird!! A weekend with the family!

The luckiest boy with the most beautiful girl!!

Our night in the city!! All dressed up, with a limo around town, dinner, but most memorable, a night dancing with my sweetheart.

A few from the amazing Smith family out havin fun on the water. (Speed Up!..........No Lauryn!!)

England Here I Come!!!

I finally got my mission call!! My family (Mom, Dad, Brinton, Nicolle "in spirit, on the phone", the Fabert family, Grams and Gramps, Ashley's mama "in spirit", and my Ashley) were all there to watch me open it and cheer me on!! There was tons of food and family surrounding me. I got my call to the England, Leeds Mission. The past 48 hours have been spent looking up pictures of castles, cathedrals, cars driving on the left side of the road, green pastures, and everything! England looks like such an amazing place! It is absolutely green everywhere and so beautiful. It rains all the time, about twenty inches on average during December. Leeds is north of Manchester, and part of my mission runs along the coast of the North Sea. There are all sorts of crazy foods such as blood sausage (dried pig blood all over sausage thickened with lard from cattle!!!.....?), Yorkshire Pudding (amazing food), "Bangers and Mash" (a traditional dish of mashed potatoes and sausages), "Chippies" (the famous British dish, of fish and chips, usually found among the local pubs), and many more crazy foods!!


When I opened my call I didn't know what to expect. Before opening it, everyone wrote down their guesses of a stateside mission and a foreign mission. When I read that I was going to England, Leeds, I had an overwhelming feeling that England is the place for me to be!! It just feels SO right!!


I would like to say thank you to all those who have helped me get to where I am now, soon ready to leave to England to teach God's people. Those people that were around me when I opened my call, and many other people, have helped me so much in getting to this point of my life. I know without you people I would not be where I am today. Thank you for your examples and your love. You are all my family and I feel so grateful and blessed to have you all around me, always supporting me.



Here are a few pictures of my mission district that I have found so far:

Here is a picture of a watch tower that looks over the North Sea!!

Here is a park within my district!!

A typical looking house in the suburbs of Leeds!!

Leeds Castle!!

Thank you so much Ashley, for all the love and support you have given me to go on a mission. I honestly dont know where I would be without you. Thank you for always being there to lift me up, to talk to me, to listen to me. Thank you for always encouraging me to do better, to work harder, and to strive to be closer to God. Finally one of my dreams is coming true!! I get to go serve the Lord's people!! In England!! I can lose myself in the work of bringing souls unto Him. Thank you for your example Ashley. You are such a Christlike individual and if I could bring you with me on my mission, people just seeing the light in your eyes, would plant that seed in them. Thank you so much for being you, my Ashley, my sweetheart.

The Simple Things...

Today I woke up to the birds singing!! I have not heard those beautiful sounds in some time. The sun came out from behind the clouds and it reminded me of this quote:

"No matter how long the winter, it is always followed by spring."

I am so grateful for all the beautiful things around me. I am so grateful for Ashley and all that she is. She is always such an amazing example, truth, that there are angels on the earth today. She always has such a glow about her. Ashley is always a witness of Christ wherever she is. She always shows me how I can be doing better, and how I can grow closer to my Heavenly Father. These past few weeks have been so wonderful. I can feel all of God's love around me, everywhere; in the birds singing, the flowers finally coming out, the big blue sky, the Priesthood, the Holy Spirit, and many more things. Thank you Ashley for always helping me honor my priesthood.

Often times when I feel stressed out, I will go play piano. It helps to clear my mind and remind me of another blessing I can enjoy; the beautiful sounds of music. I play hymns, my own compositions, or other songs that make me just feel so grateful.

What would life be like if you couldn't hear the many sounds around you?

What if you couldn't see the flowers in the spring?

Or smell the air after the rain?

Or taste your favorite food?

What if you couldn't touch the new fallen snow during winter?

I have never really thought much about all the wonderful blessings that I have around me. I decided after recognizing these few blessings to give a prayer of thanks for all that I have. Anytime that you think you have it hard, that you can't enjoy the world around you, that you are forgotten, think about a few of these questions. Ashley thank you for being a physical answer to my prayers. Thank you for being one of the many wonderful blessings I have received day after day. Although I see you day after day, and will soon be with you always,...I will always try my very best to thank you for the great blessing you are to me every day.

Patience........

This past four weeks I have been in the process of submitting my mission papers to receive my call. Four weeks ago, I was completing them and thought I had filled them out completely and I turned them in. During this time my parents were out of town so I drove down to meet with my stake president. After reviewing them he saw that they were complete and was going to send them out. It turned out that there was a problem with some of the medical information that needed to be filled out correctly, that I was not aware of at the time. My stake president called my home phone number and left a message stating this, but I was not home, nor my family. So...for a week and a half, I thought my papers were submitted, until my parents came home and called me up with the bad news, telling me that I had to correct the medical information and then they could be sent. All my excitement had been building up, expecting my call to come that week. However, they never went in; I completed the medical stuff and we submitted them on the next Monday. As we called my bishop to check the status of my call, now expected it to come in two weeks, our excitement slowly was building. To my surprise, yet again, my papers had just barely been processed and were still waiting to be reviewed by the brethren, so...yet another week.

I have always thought that I had patience with most things in my life, and now I have learned that I may have been somewhat patient, but I can be more patient. They say that patience is a virtue, so I guess you could say I'm learning to be virtuous. I have been so excited to receive my call to serve, and I guess I get to receive a lesson along with it. I know the past few weeks have been kind of disappointing, but I have learned a great lesson.

Think about those children of God that have passed on to the next life, without ever hearing the gospel here on earth. Think about how excited and desirous they are to be baptized into His church. There must be millions or billions of them seeking this vital ordinance. I have nothing compared to these amazing people as far as patience goes. When I thought of these wondrous souls it calmed my thoughts, and now I know that my time to wait is so very short and I can learn so much with this added time. I am so grateful for the ordinance of baptism that I have received here on earth. I am grateful for a worthy father that baptized me, confirmed me with the Holy Spirit, and also has ordained me with the preparatory Aaronic Priesthood, and the fulfilling Melchizedek Priesthood. I hold those blessings, those ordinances, so close to my heart and I am so grateful for my father's worthiness to bestow them upon me.

As this next two weeks unfolds, I watch and wait, calmly, for my call to serve. I know that in the time that He wants them to come, they will. I have learned that I can be much more patient and more grateful for what I do have. I love this gospel and all the blessings and guidance and purpose it gives me in my life. I am grateful for Ashley and her patience with me to help me through this great lesson, and I am so excited to take care of her, always. But first a mission for the Lord. Thank you for the lesson.

I'm so blessed...

Hey Ashley,

I just wanted to post this blog today telling you how grateful I am that I can give you this blog website for your birthday. I have been working alot on this blog and during all this time I get to think about all that you do for me. It is so AMAzing to see how for we have come since we met each other. We have had SO many great times together. I have tried to talk about some of the events that really meant alot to me, and to you, and it feels so good to just remember good times. Every day with you, seriously, every day, has been the greatest day. We always have so much fun together. Through the laughs and the frustration (usually my fault), the random jokes and the school, I have really loved all that we have shared together. This blog has meant alot to me. I have become so grateful for all that you do for me. Even though this blog only highlights a few of our experiences, I remember so many different occasions where we have had the best of times. I know that the thanks goes to you. You mean the world to be Ashley. Thank you for always laughing with me (even though my jokes resemble a small, prickly, green cactus in the desert). You always treat me so good! You have always been so sweet to me and really...been my sweetheart. I hope you enjoy this blog and you remember some of our best times and know that I love you with all my heart. I will be back to hold you, so soon.

Your sweetheart,

Jarem

Thank you family...

I just wanted to post a few words on family. I love this gospel. I love my family. I know that it is no accident that I came into this world in the family that I did. My parents both do so many things on my behalf that I never even notice. They are always there for me and always support me. Whether it be a small encouragement they give me or hard love, they have always been there for me. I know most of the time I probably do not even notice what they do for me, and I might even simply shrug my shoulders at the effort and love that they give me. I just wanted to say thank you to them. I know that sometimes I can be a real difficulty to deal with at times, but I really do, deep down, love and appreciate all that they do. A word to Brinton and Nicolle also.

Brinton thank you for hanging out with me, sharing fun times with me, and for sometimes being the BEST example. Thanks for making me better, and for always being so supportive. You are always so fun to be around, and you make everyone welcome no matter where you are.

Nicolle, my amazing sister!! College is crazy! Thank you for all the advice and help with college transitions. Thanks for sharing awesome crazy laughs with me!! I remember the time, driving home late at night, when we were both crying so hard laughing that I had to pull over like ten times!! Thanks for always caring to simply call me and see how I am doing. Thank you for your example of working hard and sticking to it.

Today I just wanted to post a little something about my family, to them and to my sweetheart, Ashley. I had added strength come to my testimony of eternal families today. I am so grateful for my parents, and my brother and sister for all that they do for me. I know that we are sent down to earth to be tested, and things will be hard. They will be as hard as we can physically and spiritually experience. I know that we have not been sent here alone. Heavenly Father is always listening, waiting, for prayers to ask for his help. I also know that we are not here to endure this life alone. He sent us with the greatest people we could be around to help us; our family. We are sent here to help each other get through things together. Sometimes it may seem that our families are less than divinely organized, but I do know that we were specifically sent here together because we are meant to be together, forever.

Recently, whenever I think about my family and the idea of an eternal family I become a little teary-eyed knowing that I can be with my family forever if I do what he has asked me. The idea that my relationships with my family can be eternal brought tears to my eyes today. I love my family. Thank you for all that you do for me.

Ashley I want you to, (when you get a chance) go and give your parents a huge hug and tell them that you love them. Sit down with them and ask them how you can help them. Ask what you can do for them, just talk to them, and be there for them. It is incredible what our parents do for us. The things they sacrifice for our behalf are remarkable. I find myself guilty of not being as appreciative of my parents, and so I will be doing this same thing. Just sit down with them. Hug them with all the energy that you have, tell them that you love them. Without them helping you, see what you can do for them. Our parents sacrifice years of selfless service to raising us and teaching us how to be the sons and daughters of God that they know we were born to be. Although at times it may seem that our parents are a little koo-koo in the head, listen to them. Their only desire is to help us, to show us how we can be happy, and to always be there for us.

I am so excited to start my own family in the future and I hope that I can try my best to pattern my life after some of the great lessons my parents have given me. I love them with all my heart and I am so excited to soon share those experiences with you. Thank you Ashley for always caring, supporting, and listening to me. You are there to rub my back when it is sore, help me through a not-so-good day. You are my best friend. Thank you for your example. You quietly serve so many people around you and I want to tell you Thank You. I appreciate ALL that you do for me and I know that you will be so blessed for all the service that you render to all the people that you do. Christ is often referred to as the Almighty, our King, Jehovah. Even though these great titles when accompany a God that is all loving, all serving, and all caring, (as Christ is), Jesus Christ is the greatest example in mankind of simple to great selfless service. Rather than taking up a throne as a King normally would, Christ was a King that served beneath the lowest of servants. He was a man on earth that showed us that service can come from the greatest there is, and we can serve all. Thank you for reminding me of His great service. I see some of those same service attributes within you and I know that Light of Christ within you is there because you live your life as His daughter.

Again, thank you so much to my family and to my best friend. You have always been there and I am SO grateful for everything that you do for me. It is humbling to know that so many people are willing to stand next to me and be such great and noble examples to me. Everyday.

Valentines Day...

Thanks to the great expenses that go into college here at BYU, Ashley and I did what we could within our budget for Valentines day. At first I was worried that our date wouldn't be that great because I didnt really have much money at all, but I later found out that I was so amazing and so spiritual and you can have so much without the money.





Ashley and I went downtown to the Salt Lake Temple where we did baptisms. I had never previously done baptisms there and was so excited to go. This temple is so amazing. It is incredible the feeling that overcomes you when you are there. The heritage that you feel of the Salt Lake Temple is so different than that of any other temple. Just the feeling you have, knowing it took forty years to build the temple, the many sacrifices (some of which we don't even know about) that the pioneers endured to finally come to this land, and here we are, in that same temple doing work for those who have past on.

This Valentines was such a special day for both Ashley and me. The fact that you don't need all the money and the chocolates and roses and worldly gifts to spend together. We had the amazing gift of feeling the spirit there in his temple. The day after we went out to lunch at a great Italian restuarant, Carrabbas, and we had a great time there also. It is so wonderful to know that all around us are so many beautiful temples that have been built for us to do work in, and also to eventually be sealed together as families, eternal. This experience added to my testimony of temple work and I am so grateful for all the work and travel, time and effort that our late prophet President Hinckley has given, to bring forth these many holy temples of worship across the globe. Thank you Ashley for sharing that special experience and spirit with me. These kinds of experiences are what really mean the most; its not the money and the gifts but the spiritual experiences that we will remember and truly cherish.

Lookin' Around

Today was such a wonderful day. For the past few weeks it has been nothing but snow. And if it wasnt snowing, it was hazy, overcast, and cold. Don't get me wrong, I love the snow and I know that we need the moisture, but after a while it gets to ya. Well today was such a beautiful day. It was a nice, sunny, warm Sunday afternoon. As if my spirits weren't high enough (I finally turned in my mission papers today), the spirit abode with Ashley and me all afternoon. We took a walk to the Provo temple to walk around there. As we approached the temple we were overwelmed with the dozens of missionaries there, circled around the temple and walking the grounds. I had such a strong feeling of the spirit; a feeling of peace knowing within a few months, I will be one of those missionaries.

As we began to head back down the hill towards BYU I couldn't help but notice all the wonderful things around us. We both sat down and talked about just five things that we could spot that we were grateful for. When we just counted only five, it really got me thinking of blessed we really are. We noticed beautiful trees that can carry snow on them during the winter, have wondrous colors in the fall, and give us a cool shade during the summer. We also saw a big blue sky that touched both horizons blue to blue. Between two trees we could spot the steeple of the temple and see Angel Moroni sounding his trumpet.

We talked about many wonderful things that God has given us. I am so grateful for all the many blessings I have in my life. From a family that is always supportive of me and loves me, to the beautiful earth around us. It is so incredible to realize, among all God's creations, the waters, the lands, the creatures, and all the many worlds that he has created, that he loves us. It is so amazing to realize that he cares enough about us, within his universal realm, to know us by name, to grant unto us opportunities to feel of the spirit, and to get to know him. I am also so grateful for his beautiful daughter that I got to share this sweet experience with.

Ashley, you always carry the spirit with you. Thank you for always being who you truly are, his daughter, even a princess. You always have the light of Christ abiding within you. You are one of the most beautiful things I have seen on this wondrous planet that he has created, and I thank my heavenly father for you, because you are one of the most special and beautiful blessings within my life.

Happiness

Today I had an amazing spiritual experience with Ashley. I wont go into details about it, because it was so special and I'm positive that she remembers, but I do want to say that it was so special to me. Thank you Ashley for always having the spirit with you!!
Sometimes when life gets you down, just pray. Ask heavenly father to help you. The past few weeks werent that hard, but I just felt like I wanted so badly, to feel the spirit more. I would get frustrated with my busy school schedule and find it hard to have the best day. I had continuously simply prayed that I might feel the spirit more each day than I previously had. And today it finally came. It hit me like a ton of bricks...And there is one wonderful thing I can say about it.

I love this gospel, everything about it.

When you are frustrated and need help, pray. Always remember to pray. We are on his timetable. There are about six billion other people he is trying to listen to at the same time. Be patient, he will answer your prayers. If you feel lonely, sad, lost, or without comfort, pray. When you are at your worst times, thinking there is nothing else to do, pray.

This past night, I received a wonderful answer, a blessing, to my prayers. I had been feeling that school just kept dragging on, I was a little worn out. When life gets you down, pray. After praying again, sincerely, I almost instantly felt the spirit SO strong. It was nearly twice as strong as I have felt it in some time. I felt so happy! So excited, so humble, so warm, and so full of joy. That moment, I will call happiness.

In Mosiah 2:41 it talks about feeling a never ending state of happiness. That is what we should all appeal to. That is our hope, to have God with us, and feel of his never ending happiness. It may have been just for an hour or two that I felt so incredibly alive with the spirit, so calm, yet so joyful and warm, so peaceful, yet so excited to feel more. That short time is worth everything. It is worth praying for that extra room for the spirit. It is worth having the not so good days. It is worth everything.

Thomas Jefferson talked about happiness. Within the Constitution, he talked of the pursuit of happiness, and that a man could never attain actual happiness but had the inalienable right to pursue it. One day, when we can walk with God, we will feel of never ending happiness. We cannot comprehend the feelings and emotions we will have then. But I can say as for now, that when you have worked so hard, prayed, and struggled...when that day comes that you can feel of his love SO strong, its worth it all. Although our happiness here may be but for a small moment, it is worth all the effort.

Think of how amazing it will be to have Happiness always, with God...

Do all you can here and now to attain that, and He will bless you along the way, until you can walk with Him.