I spent a lot of time with my friends last week. We went and saw New Moon midnight showing and it was bloody fantastic!! It was so much fun! I love my friends! They have seen me at my craziest and understand me when I'm being a hormonal wreck. :) But I have learned something very very tender to my heart.
No matter how excited and hyper I am to see a movie I bought tickets for 2 months in advance, or how many activities I do with my friends or with youth groups, there is always something missing. There is an unmistakable void that nothing can quite ever fill. People tell me all the time to go out and have fun (which I do) and to enjoy life (which I am). But I have realized something I will be forever grateful for.
Nothing in this world makes me as happy as Jarem does. Nothing has ever given me the feeling of pure joy like being with Jarem did. I miss him so so much. He is my BEST friend, my companion, my advocate, and my support. I aspire to be my noblest, most virtuous self when I am around him, and I don't deserve to have someone this good. But here he is, and I'm going to give every ounce of energy to prepare myself for all that is ahead of us. I love you, so very very much Jarem. Being in love with you... it just keeps getting better!!!!!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thankful!!
Besides being 191 days away from seeing my sweetheart again (praise the Lord!), today is Thanksgiving! I honestly wish it came more than once a year, because people in general forget so frequently how blessed we truly are.
In my institute class on Monday my teacher gave us a powerful statistic. If any one of the following three facts are true, you are better off than 70% of the rest of the world:
1) You have more than one pair of shoes
2) You have more than one choice of food to eat for a meal (for example you would either have rice OR beans, but not both)
3) You have more than 1 mode of transportation (meaning, a bike and a scooter).
70% of the world!!! We complain when we don't have the right brand of shoes or one of our cars has some trouble. We think nothing of having 5 different items to eat for dinner, and we certainly don't realize the blessings of living in a clean, disease-free environment. And these are just physical blessings, not even touching on the grounds of having the gospel in your life.
We have everything to be thankful for. I wish there was someway I could personally make a difference in turning the selfish, greedy attitudes of the world around into a more humble and grateful society. But alas, all you can do is be the kind of change you wish you could see in the world, however cheesy that may be. :) I am so grateful I have a best friend and a sweetheart all in the same person. Life just doesn't get sweeter than having that blessing, except making that relationship eternal. I'm so thankful for all that I have.
In my institute class on Monday my teacher gave us a powerful statistic. If any one of the following three facts are true, you are better off than 70% of the rest of the world:
1) You have more than one pair of shoes
2) You have more than one choice of food to eat for a meal (for example you would either have rice OR beans, but not both)
3) You have more than 1 mode of transportation (meaning, a bike and a scooter).
70% of the world!!! We complain when we don't have the right brand of shoes or one of our cars has some trouble. We think nothing of having 5 different items to eat for dinner, and we certainly don't realize the blessings of living in a clean, disease-free environment. And these are just physical blessings, not even touching on the grounds of having the gospel in your life.
We have everything to be thankful for. I wish there was someway I could personally make a difference in turning the selfish, greedy attitudes of the world around into a more humble and grateful society. But alas, all you can do is be the kind of change you wish you could see in the world, however cheesy that may be. :) I am so grateful I have a best friend and a sweetheart all in the same person. Life just doesn't get sweeter than having that blessing, except making that relationship eternal. I'm so thankful for all that I have.
Friday, October 23, 2009
In Love With My Best Friend
How can time pass so slowly and so ridiculously fast at the same time?? I can't believe that in 2 months I can talk to Jarem on the phone again! It seems like a week ago it was Mothers Day and I was talking to him. Wow, time flies!
I just got 2 incredible letters today from Jarem and I literally feel like my heart is broken. It has officially burst from the inside out!! I cry when I think of how unselfish and loyal he is. To think of his sacrifice and hard work. His diligence to the Lord and his devotion to me. Other people who "fall into love" become so absorbed in the physical presence and appearance of that person that they can't feel the true, deep, bond that truly holds you together. I can't find words to express how it feels to have this kind of bond in your life. To know that you can heave every single ounce of energy and effort, all the hope and faith you are capable of giving and all of your dreams into one person... and never be disappointed.
At this time, Jarem is unsure of the next step in his mission due to heath concerns. I feel completely comfortable and at ease. I pray until the skin on my knees is raw for my sweetheart. He can not fail with the Lord on his side and I know that as a dedicated messenger of the Savior, Jarem is divinely protected and watched over. If I literally lived a million years spending every single day in worship, it would not touch the amount of gratitude and love I have for my Heavenly Father; for all my blessings but especially Jarem. I love him with a love no earthy being could understand. This time apart is so bitter, but it will make our time together more sweet than anyone could imagine. Jarem, I love you. It seems empty writing it on a screen, but with my whole heart I mean it when I say it. I LOVE you.
I just got 2 incredible letters today from Jarem and I literally feel like my heart is broken. It has officially burst from the inside out!! I cry when I think of how unselfish and loyal he is. To think of his sacrifice and hard work. His diligence to the Lord and his devotion to me. Other people who "fall into love" become so absorbed in the physical presence and appearance of that person that they can't feel the true, deep, bond that truly holds you together. I can't find words to express how it feels to have this kind of bond in your life. To know that you can heave every single ounce of energy and effort, all the hope and faith you are capable of giving and all of your dreams into one person... and never be disappointed.
At this time, Jarem is unsure of the next step in his mission due to heath concerns. I feel completely comfortable and at ease. I pray until the skin on my knees is raw for my sweetheart. He can not fail with the Lord on his side and I know that as a dedicated messenger of the Savior, Jarem is divinely protected and watched over. If I literally lived a million years spending every single day in worship, it would not touch the amount of gratitude and love I have for my Heavenly Father; for all my blessings but especially Jarem. I love him with a love no earthy being could understand. This time apart is so bitter, but it will make our time together more sweet than anyone could imagine. Jarem, I love you. It seems empty writing it on a screen, but with my whole heart I mean it when I say it. I LOVE you.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
So blessed!
Does anyone just have those days where you wake up and you just can't believe your life is real because of how lucky you are? "Blessed" should replace the word lucky in reality, but still. Sometimes throughout my day I just loose my breath thinking of how lucky I am. My circumstances (housing, food, family, schooling opportunities, a job, etc) are ideal. How could I ever ask for more?
This past week has been one of those unbelievable weeks where I have realized how supernally blessed I am to have Jarem. Even though its been over 2 weeks since a letter from him (torture to its fullest extent!), I just can't believe it's happening to me. I complain a lot about my responsibilities and how difficult things are for me, but I still live everyday with the thought in my heart, " I wouldn't trade places with ANYone in this world." Nobody can truly understand how much I ache to not have him here... or how much it means to me to have him be home in 240 days!!! My life is a precious gift, and having someone like Jarem on my side gives me so much determination to make something wonderful out of it!
Jarem, you are the love of my life. Its unreal how much joy you give so unselfishly to me. Thank you for helping my life to be so full and so beautiful! I could not ask for ANYTHING more!!!
This past week has been one of those unbelievable weeks where I have realized how supernally blessed I am to have Jarem. Even though its been over 2 weeks since a letter from him (torture to its fullest extent!), I just can't believe it's happening to me. I complain a lot about my responsibilities and how difficult things are for me, but I still live everyday with the thought in my heart, " I wouldn't trade places with ANYone in this world." Nobody can truly understand how much I ache to not have him here... or how much it means to me to have him be home in 240 days!!! My life is a precious gift, and having someone like Jarem on my side gives me so much determination to make something wonderful out of it!
Jarem, you are the love of my life. Its unreal how much joy you give so unselfishly to me. Thank you for helping my life to be so full and so beautiful! I could not ask for ANYTHING more!!!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
09-09-09!
What a momentous day in history!! Only 269 days left of this mission business!! Yipee do hah! Plus, its 09-09-09, which I think is pretty stellar too. :)
Things are so incredibly busy for both of us. Jarem is a zone leader, which he doesn't like people knowing, because it draws attention to himself. Noone reads this blog anyways, so I guess its not that big of a deal... and I am getting ready for finals next week! I had to write something on 09-09-09, because that is a cool date and September is my favorite month ever! It blows my mind away to think that in about a years time, give or take a few days/weeks/who knows, we will be making our infamous trip to San Diego!!! Then I can rid myself of my hideously common last name! (Even though it's not a bad name...)
I just wanted to write a quick something for Jarem (seeing as how I'm in a test review and should probably be paying attention...). Jarem, I am SO proud of you! Throughout all of your duties and responsibilities, you are such an incredible example to me continually! You are tireless, diligent, and as always, obedient. You set the bar so high that some days I wish you weren't so good because it makes me look bad! :) I know people make it seem like we miss out on so much being alone for two years. It is lonely, and I do miss being around you. But what is it worth? What is the pay off? Why do I bother counting down days? I get glimpses at random times looking at the lives of those around me. Spending every day, every moment and those experiences that make life sweet and satisfying, with you, would completely surpass my deepest hopes and dreams. Having a best friend is an unspeakable blessing. Having a sweetheart and someone to love is wonderful. How I got both in the same person... will be a mystery to me forever.
On your missionary poster/countdown temple thing on the wall there is a quote that I love and it helps me on so so many hard days. It is a quote by the wife of President Boyd K. Packer that I cut out from the church news. It says, "When you see somebody as good as he is, you have to make the effort." That is completely true! When I see your picture on the wall and realize how much you are sacrificing to serve the Lord, it kicks my butt into gear! I want to be my best self, serve others, have more charity, live life more fully, and be obedient. You lift my eyes to higher goals and set my heart on purer objectives. Jarem, thank you from the bottom of my heart for not only being the love of my life, but for being my best friend through so much. You have truly given me wings to fly and accomplish so much in my life.
I love you. One day closer to you!!!
Things are so incredibly busy for both of us. Jarem is a zone leader, which he doesn't like people knowing, because it draws attention to himself. Noone reads this blog anyways, so I guess its not that big of a deal... and I am getting ready for finals next week! I had to write something on 09-09-09, because that is a cool date and September is my favorite month ever! It blows my mind away to think that in about a years time, give or take a few days/weeks/who knows, we will be making our infamous trip to San Diego!!! Then I can rid myself of my hideously common last name! (Even though it's not a bad name...)
I just wanted to write a quick something for Jarem (seeing as how I'm in a test review and should probably be paying attention...). Jarem, I am SO proud of you! Throughout all of your duties and responsibilities, you are such an incredible example to me continually! You are tireless, diligent, and as always, obedient. You set the bar so high that some days I wish you weren't so good because it makes me look bad! :) I know people make it seem like we miss out on so much being alone for two years. It is lonely, and I do miss being around you. But what is it worth? What is the pay off? Why do I bother counting down days? I get glimpses at random times looking at the lives of those around me. Spending every day, every moment and those experiences that make life sweet and satisfying, with you, would completely surpass my deepest hopes and dreams. Having a best friend is an unspeakable blessing. Having a sweetheart and someone to love is wonderful. How I got both in the same person... will be a mystery to me forever.
On your missionary poster/countdown temple thing on the wall there is a quote that I love and it helps me on so so many hard days. It is a quote by the wife of President Boyd K. Packer that I cut out from the church news. It says, "When you see somebody as good as he is, you have to make the effort." That is completely true! When I see your picture on the wall and realize how much you are sacrificing to serve the Lord, it kicks my butt into gear! I want to be my best self, serve others, have more charity, live life more fully, and be obedient. You lift my eyes to higher goals and set my heart on purer objectives. Jarem, thank you from the bottom of my heart for not only being the love of my life, but for being my best friend through so much. You have truly given me wings to fly and accomplish so much in my life.
I love you. One day closer to you!!!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
300 days left!
Oh yeah! You better believe it bay bay! Only 300 more days (and probably less, but I'm not going to get worked up about that... yet!) and I am cruisin! I made Jarem's fam cupcakes and wrote on them with icing in a variety ways "300!". They definitely think I've gone cuckoo for cocoa puffs, no doubt about it.
Jarem's health continues to remain beneath normal expected levels (aka, it's cruddy), but he is happy! I admire him so so much for both his attitude and his perserverance. Any normal person would have called it quits long, long ago. But Jarem doesn't brake his stride with his work or his outlook on everything. How he can continue is beyond me, and heavenly help is undeniably there. He is a teaching machine, he is growing so much personally, and he is having a blast playing tricks on companions who so dare to fall asleep in his presence! (He made a moustache made of nutella on his companion as he slept and put some kind of hat on him so he looks like Charlie Chapman! Haha!)
I get tired of hearing the stupid phrase "attitude is everything," blah blah blah... :). (I'm a sarcastic individual by nature). But looking at Jarem and all he has gone through on his mission with health, investigators, his less-than-ideal surroundings with weather, etc... he has never once complained. Ever. He never allows those tiring and burdensome factors bring him down. It takes someone with real courage to go through all that he has and I don't care what anyone else thinks. He is dedicated and focused and the most hard working person I have ever come in contact with (with the possible exception of my parents). I honestly admire him so much as a person. I can only pray that one day I could live up to the standards he sets. 300 days left until I see him again, and not a minute more!
Jarem's health continues to remain beneath normal expected levels (aka, it's cruddy), but he is happy! I admire him so so much for both his attitude and his perserverance. Any normal person would have called it quits long, long ago. But Jarem doesn't brake his stride with his work or his outlook on everything. How he can continue is beyond me, and heavenly help is undeniably there. He is a teaching machine, he is growing so much personally, and he is having a blast playing tricks on companions who so dare to fall asleep in his presence! (He made a moustache made of nutella on his companion as he slept and put some kind of hat on him so he looks like Charlie Chapman! Haha!)
I get tired of hearing the stupid phrase "attitude is everything," blah blah blah... :). (I'm a sarcastic individual by nature). But looking at Jarem and all he has gone through on his mission with health, investigators, his less-than-ideal surroundings with weather, etc... he has never once complained. Ever. He never allows those tiring and burdensome factors bring him down. It takes someone with real courage to go through all that he has and I don't care what anyone else thinks. He is dedicated and focused and the most hard working person I have ever come in contact with (with the possible exception of my parents). I honestly admire him so much as a person. I can only pray that one day I could live up to the standards he sets. 300 days left until I see him again, and not a minute more!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Happy-Birthday-Number-Of-Days-Left!
I do not need to hear it from anyone because I already know... I - am - a -nerd! I know this!
This title comes from a random game/thing me and my sister have done forever, and I taught it to Jarem. Whenever a clock says the time 3:25 it is called my "happy birthday time" because (try and figure this out...) my birthday is March 25. Last summer when gas prices were crazy high, I remember seeing gas as being $3.25... so happy birthday gas prices! Or (as I saw once at Jarem's house a few months ago) his mom was making cookies and the oven temperature was 325 degrees; so happy birthday. . . oven temperature? She thinks I am absolutely psychotic cause I tried to explain it to her and it made no sense!
The other reason some may question my levels of mental capacities is because I know how many days are left on his mission! 312! Since March 12 is Jarems birthday, today is his happy birthday number of days left!!!
I had to restrain myself from counting down sooner, but I knew once we made it to the year mark, there isn't nothin' stopping me now! And every day that goes by he is closer to being home! Yes, I have happy times while he has been gone. I laugh, I go out with friends (solar eclipse event), I make jokes, and I go out and have fun. There is an element of me missing though, no matter how hard I try to fill the void. And for that, noone can blame me for counting down the days! So everyone needs to shush!
Jarem, I love you so much! I'm being patient, I'm being patient, I'm being patient.... Here is to one less day of silent torture!
This title comes from a random game/thing me and my sister have done forever, and I taught it to Jarem. Whenever a clock says the time 3:25 it is called my "happy birthday time" because (try and figure this out...) my birthday is March 25. Last summer when gas prices were crazy high, I remember seeing gas as being $3.25... so happy birthday gas prices! Or (as I saw once at Jarem's house a few months ago) his mom was making cookies and the oven temperature was 325 degrees; so happy birthday. . . oven temperature? She thinks I am absolutely psychotic cause I tried to explain it to her and it made no sense!
The other reason some may question my levels of mental capacities is because I know how many days are left on his mission! 312! Since March 12 is Jarems birthday, today is his happy birthday number of days left!!!
I had to restrain myself from counting down sooner, but I knew once we made it to the year mark, there isn't nothin' stopping me now! And every day that goes by he is closer to being home! Yes, I have happy times while he has been gone. I laugh, I go out with friends (solar eclipse event), I make jokes, and I go out and have fun. There is an element of me missing though, no matter how hard I try to fill the void. And for that, noone can blame me for counting down the days! So everyone needs to shush!
Jarem, I love you so much! I'm being patient, I'm being patient, I'm being patient.... Here is to one less day of silent torture!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
3 Years!! And loving every minute!
Wow!!! Today marks the day that Jarem technically "asked me" to date him... and technically the day I said I would (just in case anyone was wondering what I said...)! Unbelieveable! It has been a crazy ride, but I wouldn't trade one moment of it for the world.
I recently found an interesing paper in my old journal. It's a little something my BYU Book of Mormon teacher calls "The 42-point Check List" for qualities I want in a husband. I wrote this June 9, 2003 (I found the date slightly ironic), so I was 14 and relatively clueless. I decided it would be amusing to share it on this day... the day I began dating my sweetheart! Keep in mind I can't change what I wrote, but despite its amusing-ness and slight superficiality, Jarem proudly qualifies on every single point! Some, he absolutely blows my expectations clear out of the water, and other he squeaks by on qualification, but nevertheless! So, here is my famous list! (and this is "in no particular order of importance" as I disclaimed at the top of my list over 6 years ago).
I recently found an interesing paper in my old journal. It's a little something my BYU Book of Mormon teacher calls "The 42-point Check List" for qualities I want in a husband. I wrote this June 9, 2003 (I found the date slightly ironic), so I was 14 and relatively clueless. I decided it would be amusing to share it on this day... the day I began dating my sweetheart! Keep in mind I can't change what I wrote, but despite its amusing-ness and slight superficiality, Jarem proudly qualifies on every single point! Some, he absolutely blows my expectations clear out of the water, and other he squeaks by on qualification, but nevertheless! So, here is my famous list! (and this is "in no particular order of importance" as I disclaimed at the top of my list over 6 years ago).
- Taller or as tall as me (check!)
- Has (at least somewhat) a sense of humor... (way to squeak by! haha, just kidding!)
- Likes dogs, because we will have one (check!)
- Likes Italian and/or Mexican food (WTF !?) (check!)
- Clean cut fingernails (check!)
- Older than me (check! by 13 days!)
- Like/love/tolerate with a happy attitude camping (check! He loves it!)
- Have a love/talent/appreciation for music (insert noise of this 'check' blowing my expectations out of the freaking water!)
- Treats me like a lady (check! He has NEVER missed a door or chair, no matter how seemingly insignificant the event.)
- Loves the gospel (check! He's on a mission... helllloooo!)
- Strong-physically mostly, but spiritually as well (check! He's got nice guns, not gonna lie!)
- Temple worthy (check!!)
- A good leader (check! In bishopric at Y, DL, ZL, etc etc)
- Fun to be with/around (check! I miss being with him.)
- Romantic (check! I'll spare the details... :)
- Honors his priesthood authority (check!)
- Likes BYU (check! duh.)
- Have a strong testimony (check! steadfast and immoveable bay bay!)
- Be (somewhat at least) a good cook (check! He really is an awesome cook!)
- Patient (double check! He has put up with me for3 years.... case in point)
- Has a stomach to go on roller coasters (another WTF) (check!)
- Attracted to me and also attractive himself (check! at very least the second one is true.)
- Good driver (. . . . .check? Haha, sometimes a bit scary...)
- Has to be an RM (check! in progress, that is... :)
- Has to have a 'wild side' (perhaps the biggest WTF) (check? He's not that wild... only on the weekends!)
So there ya go! :) Some of them seem completely and totally irrelevant ( see numbers 4, 21, and 25), but he manages to pull them all off! When you are 14, you are imagining your husband as some dashing prince in shining armor who is perfect in every way. You dream of marrying someone with every possible admirable trait -- accounting for reality rarely (if ever) occurs. People have faults and shortcomings- noone is exempt. I know Jarem isn't a perfect person with absolutely no flaws or undesireable characteristics.
But I do know what Jarem is: He is incredible. His goodness, his humility, his talents and abilities, and his capacity to grow and change for the better is astounding to me. Love, to me, isn't just a word that is synonymous with 'romance' or 'twitterpated', although they might be small components of it. Love to me is, really, the driving force for everything in this world. As cheesey and cliche as this sounds I believe in it. It is a feeling and a bond that can truly bring about miracles. Not just love between a boy and a girl. Love brings hope, change, and comfort to neighbors, friends, coworkers, strangers, and family members alike. For me, this force has given me determination to put myself through nursing school, and continue to work at one of the world's most exhausting jobs as a CNA. Love has encouraged me to stretch my capacities and reach out to those in need. The love Jarem has freely and constantly given to me has opened my eyes to the unlimited potential my life has... and it has truly given me wings to fly. This goes the other direction; without the love for the gospel and the Savior, Jarem would not be serving a mission and many many lives in England would still be resting in darkness. Love is an amazing force that can do amazing things!
So, on the 3rd year mark of this exciting and wonderful exodus of 'us'... I just want to tell Jarem how much I love him! I admire you! I respect everything you do and stand for. You were my friend before you were my sweetheart, but now that you're both... I get the best of both worlds!! :) What a privelage it is to have you in my life (even if you are 5,000 miles away)! I could not have possibly dreamed of the happiness I feel knowing that what we are doing individually and together is right. I love you.
I'm forever yours, faithfully. -Me
Friday, June 5, 2009
364 DAYS TO GO!!
Can I get a "pah -RAISE the Lord!" and a "Hallelujah!" ?!?
WOW. I can not believe it has been one year. Well, in all actuality I can. :) This is such a happy day for me, and I thought it would never get here! Waiting one year seems do-able in my book, so I guess I can hang in there for at least one more year! In Jarems last letter to me he said that because of visa reasons he actually has to come home about 10 days earlier, but I'm not going to get too ahead of myself on that subject...
This mission has been a journey. It has been one of the most difficult tasks for me in my life thus far. Although I can complain until I'm blue in the face, I couldn't deny the wonderful blessings that have come because of Jarem serving. What a wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for both of us to learn and grow. I would love to wave a magic wand and have this upcoming year instantaneously be gone, but there are too many opportunities that would be passed up. I would never take this sacred mission experience away from Jarem; it is something he has dreamed of since he was a little boy. I, quite frankly, never had the dream of putting myself through 2 years of waiting-for-a-missionary torture, but what can I say? Love makes you do crazy things. :) Hah, you gotta love cliches!
Jarem, I love you! I love you infinitely more than I did when you left and I am infinitely more excited that we are on the downward slope for this mission! Hurry and grow lots, have fun, don't get mugged or shot or robbed, and especially don't accept offers to hang out and smoke pot with the Muslims outside your flat! I guess most importantly, learn what the Lord needs you to learn so you can become the person who you need to be. I love you so much!
Here's to counting down the days...
WOW. I can not believe it has been one year. Well, in all actuality I can. :) This is such a happy day for me, and I thought it would never get here! Waiting one year seems do-able in my book, so I guess I can hang in there for at least one more year! In Jarems last letter to me he said that because of visa reasons he actually has to come home about 10 days earlier, but I'm not going to get too ahead of myself on that subject...
This mission has been a journey. It has been one of the most difficult tasks for me in my life thus far. Although I can complain until I'm blue in the face, I couldn't deny the wonderful blessings that have come because of Jarem serving. What a wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for both of us to learn and grow. I would love to wave a magic wand and have this upcoming year instantaneously be gone, but there are too many opportunities that would be passed up. I would never take this sacred mission experience away from Jarem; it is something he has dreamed of since he was a little boy. I, quite frankly, never had the dream of putting myself through 2 years of waiting-for-a-missionary torture, but what can I say? Love makes you do crazy things. :) Hah, you gotta love cliches!
Jarem, I love you! I love you infinitely more than I did when you left and I am infinitely more excited that we are on the downward slope for this mission! Hurry and grow lots, have fun, don't get mugged or shot or robbed, and especially don't accept offers to hang out and smoke pot with the Muslims outside your flat! I guess most importantly, learn what the Lord needs you to learn so you can become the person who you need to be. I love you so much!
Here's to counting down the days...
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I'm trading in Jarem for a newer model!
Alright, I admit... I wouldn't trade Jarem in for anything the world could possibly offer, but his poor body should have come with a warranty! I found out the wonderful news today that he will probably need another surgery (it's a different problem this time, what a huge surprise). It is really hard for me. It truly is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do... to be almost 5,000 miles away from my best friend while he suffers (with multiple ailments) and is in pain. It is killing me softly! :) I can't do ANYthing! I want to just throw in the towel and quit! The only 2 things that are keeping me from going insane are:
1) It is literally impossible for me to be tried with a challenge I can't overcome
2) I love Jarem enough to not impede on his mission or distract him from the work
Jarem, I'm so sorry you have to go through all that you have been asked to. Actually, I'm not necessarily sorry. I'm glad you have challenges, but I am sorry that I can't share your burdens and make your load lighter. I would do anything to help ease your pain. I know I have a testimony of the gospel and the work that you are taking forth to all the world. I can't give in now. I won't. I love you. I love you more than I did yesterday when I woke up! One day, when I can see you again and all of this (insert choice of negative word) is behind us, these difficult times will make our happy times even more sweet. I can't tell you how much I love you. I will support you through whatever storms you're asked to pass through. You are the love of my life, and I would not have it any other way. Miss you lots! Love you even more! -Ashley
1) It is literally impossible for me to be tried with a challenge I can't overcome
2) I love Jarem enough to not impede on his mission or distract him from the work
Jarem, I'm so sorry you have to go through all that you have been asked to. Actually, I'm not necessarily sorry. I'm glad you have challenges, but I am sorry that I can't share your burdens and make your load lighter. I would do anything to help ease your pain. I know I have a testimony of the gospel and the work that you are taking forth to all the world. I can't give in now. I won't. I love you. I love you more than I did yesterday when I woke up! One day, when I can see you again and all of this (insert choice of negative word) is behind us, these difficult times will make our happy times even more sweet. I can't tell you how much I love you. I will support you through whatever storms you're asked to pass through. You are the love of my life, and I would not have it any other way. Miss you lots! Love you even more! -Ashley
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Day 300!
Wow, today is day 300 of this mission madness! It's relieving to think that this much time has gone by already, and kinda scary to think of how the next 300 will go. I hope they go by quickly.
Jarem, I know you won't be able to read this for many months, but I hope you know how much I support you! I wish I could be there to help you, encourage you, and comfort you when times get hard. I wish it so badly that it physically hurts sometimes. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger... which is proving to be true over and over again as you are away! I love you so much more than I did when you left, it's difficult for me to comprehend. I'm so grateful for you in my life.
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." -Ambrose Redmoon
It was a frightening step into the dark when you left on your mission. There were (and still are) so many, many unknown variables and possible outcomes. I would not necessarily say I have been courageous during all of this, but I know that putting the Lord first is an essential part of my life. True, untainted love and a virtuous desire to create a family unit centered on Jesus Christ and His gospel is much more important than me being lonely for a few months (or years). It has eternal consequences whose ripples will effect more lives than just yours or mine. Family, and the hope of one day having the privelage of creating my own, is judged much higher in my book than the fear of the unknown. Remember, with God nothing is impossible. I love you Jarem, more than words could ever convey. I miss you and hope you are learning and growing as much as I am! All of my love, Ashley
Jarem, I know you won't be able to read this for many months, but I hope you know how much I support you! I wish I could be there to help you, encourage you, and comfort you when times get hard. I wish it so badly that it physically hurts sometimes. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger... which is proving to be true over and over again as you are away! I love you so much more than I did when you left, it's difficult for me to comprehend. I'm so grateful for you in my life.
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." -Ambrose Redmoon
It was a frightening step into the dark when you left on your mission. There were (and still are) so many, many unknown variables and possible outcomes. I would not necessarily say I have been courageous during all of this, but I know that putting the Lord first is an essential part of my life. True, untainted love and a virtuous desire to create a family unit centered on Jesus Christ and His gospel is much more important than me being lonely for a few months (or years). It has eternal consequences whose ripples will effect more lives than just yours or mine. Family, and the hope of one day having the privelage of creating my own, is judged much higher in my book than the fear of the unknown. Remember, with God nothing is impossible. I love you Jarem, more than words could ever convey. I miss you and hope you are learning and growing as much as I am! All of my love, Ashley
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Jarem's expecting... its been 9 months!!!
Okay, okay, so the two subjects in the title of the blog are two separate issues (thank heavens!). First off, 9 months ago today Jarem left for England! I can't believe it has been so long since I've seen my sweetheart! The weeks go by quickly but each day holds its separate struggle. For me, I can't just say I've waited 9 months, because 9 is a whimpishly small number. Not one day goes by where I don't think of him, pray for him, and wish that he is doing the best he is capable of. So, I get a more triumphant feeling to say I have waited 274 days... because the number is bigger and I get more pride out of that one. :)
The second portion of the blog title (about Jarem expecting) has to do with transfers. He's gonna be a papa now! On Tuesday Jarem's companion (of 5 or 6 months I think) was transferred, and Jarem will now be training a greenie- straight from the MTC. So in Jarems mission they term the trainer as the Dad (or papa) and the trainee is the "son." I think these terms reach the limit of creativity that a bunch of 19 and 20 year old boys can reach, so it is only mildy amusing to the rest of us. :) No, I'm kidding. Jarem was exuberant in his last email, ending his email with "I'm expecting!!!!!" So only time will tell how crazy being a trainer will make him.
Things are going well for both Jarem and I. Jarem is healing from his hernia repair surgery over a month ago (finally!) and he will be back to full proselyting next week. With training someone, Jarem will now have even less time than he did before due to the full brunt of the missionary work being placed on his shoulders. He is busy but loving it! He is in great spirits and is loving his time he has to prepare for the rest of his life. He wouldn't be able to do much, if anything, without the many prayers and fasting he has received from all of his family. I'm grateful for everyones prayers in his behalf, because I know it is a pillar of strength in his life.
I am... extremely busy to say the least. I started a new semester about 3 weeks ago at school, and am now submerged in more intense classes. I have an added 8 hours of clinicals a week to do at a hospital 30+ miles away (and I have to be there at 5:30 am! Joy to the world!). This is in addition to 24 required hours of a psych rotation at an adolescent lock-down unit, 10 hours of lab hours, reading homework every night, and working 24 hours a week. So I'm staying busy as ever, which prevents me from moping around and missing Jarem too terribly much. :) My social life has all but whithered and died, but I suppose its the price I'm asked to pay (besides my umpteen thousand dollars of tuition) to get through nursing school. I only have 11 more months of prison, then I will be free forever!!!!
So on this 9 month mark of Jarem being gone its time to celebrate! No baby showers (at least not for the expecting Papa Jarem) or the like, but it makes me stop and thank Heavenly Father for continually blessing my every step through this mission experience. I could not do this without him, and I could not make it through all I have without my incredible Jarem to help me as well!
The second portion of the blog title (about Jarem expecting) has to do with transfers. He's gonna be a papa now! On Tuesday Jarem's companion (of 5 or 6 months I think) was transferred, and Jarem will now be training a greenie- straight from the MTC. So in Jarems mission they term the trainer as the Dad (or papa) and the trainee is the "son." I think these terms reach the limit of creativity that a bunch of 19 and 20 year old boys can reach, so it is only mildy amusing to the rest of us. :) No, I'm kidding. Jarem was exuberant in his last email, ending his email with "I'm expecting!!!!!" So only time will tell how crazy being a trainer will make him.
Things are going well for both Jarem and I. Jarem is healing from his hernia repair surgery over a month ago (finally!) and he will be back to full proselyting next week. With training someone, Jarem will now have even less time than he did before due to the full brunt of the missionary work being placed on his shoulders. He is busy but loving it! He is in great spirits and is loving his time he has to prepare for the rest of his life. He wouldn't be able to do much, if anything, without the many prayers and fasting he has received from all of his family. I'm grateful for everyones prayers in his behalf, because I know it is a pillar of strength in his life.
I am... extremely busy to say the least. I started a new semester about 3 weeks ago at school, and am now submerged in more intense classes. I have an added 8 hours of clinicals a week to do at a hospital 30+ miles away (and I have to be there at 5:30 am! Joy to the world!). This is in addition to 24 required hours of a psych rotation at an adolescent lock-down unit, 10 hours of lab hours, reading homework every night, and working 24 hours a week. So I'm staying busy as ever, which prevents me from moping around and missing Jarem too terribly much. :) My social life has all but whithered and died, but I suppose its the price I'm asked to pay (besides my umpteen thousand dollars of tuition) to get through nursing school. I only have 11 more months of prison, then I will be free forever!!!!
So on this 9 month mark of Jarem being gone its time to celebrate! No baby showers (at least not for the expecting Papa Jarem) or the like, but it makes me stop and thank Heavenly Father for continually blessing my every step through this mission experience. I could not do this without him, and I could not make it through all I have without my incredible Jarem to help me as well!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Welcome 2009! ! !
Wow. What a wild past few months this has been!! As Jarem has left for his mission, there has been a holy whirlwind of emotions!
I have been extremely busy with nursing school and working as a CNA and Jarem has been working his butt off in the wonderful, pub-packed city of Halifax! Thankfully, we are both immersed with our separate activities and we are finding time is passing (surprise!) and we are now welcoming in a beautiful new year! I am so distracted by the fact that it is 2009... and next year my sweetheart finally comes home!! Time passes strangely these past few months... the days are long (and usually filled with thoughts of how Jarem is coping with his never ending injuries...) but the weeks seem to fly by! Still, each day takes a concentrated effort to keep going and is strengthening my own resolve to follow what the spirit has confirmed are the right paths to take in my life.
Jarem is enjoying his mission... when he isn't sick, in the hospital, or hobbling around on assistive walking devices. So far, he has succeeded in tearing his ACL back in August, breaking his toe, and contracting pink eye multiple times. Besides this, he has the constant companionship of a spastic back, common colds, and strep throat. The nurse inside me is screaming! But, as heavenly father knows best, I am now getting my fair share of lessons in patience, faith, and sincere prayer. It doesn't help the worry that he is in a city with the highest percentage of pubs per square mile. He wakes up every night (at least once) to ambulance sirens, screaming, fighting, and anything else you can imagine. His guardian angels are getting a work out, and I owe them big time!
I am staying busy with nursing school, almost done with my first real semester. Between clinicals, school full time, work, and jogging I am staying busy. I have no health problems to report, but I am extremely thankful for the blessing of a working body free of diseases and illnesses. I love getting letters from my Jarem, and can't express my gratitude and appreciation for his example! He is the most wonderful and supportive friend and confidante I could have dreamed of. With him by my side, I could not fail at anything that came my way!!! He is really my best friend and, as impossible and hopeless as it seems at times, our bond has strengthened during this almost 7 months of being apart!
I had the wonderful opportunity to talk to Jarem on Christmas! I wasn't as emotional as I expected, but it was so amazing to hear his voice! It was like we hadn't been apart at all! I was able to tell him I love him (despite my phobia of saying it in front of his family) and thats all that mattered to me. I am so happy the time is passing by easier now and he is having much success with the work! I can't wait for it all to be over though...
So, to all those naysayers who doubt mine and Jarem's decisions... things are going better than ever! :) We are both growing so much and learning to become the people the Lord sees within us. Although there are moments of doubt, dispair, and confusion, my Heavenly Father has unfailingly pulled through for both of us as we continue our journey together.
I have been extremely busy with nursing school and working as a CNA and Jarem has been working his butt off in the wonderful, pub-packed city of Halifax! Thankfully, we are both immersed with our separate activities and we are finding time is passing (surprise!) and we are now welcoming in a beautiful new year! I am so distracted by the fact that it is 2009... and next year my sweetheart finally comes home!! Time passes strangely these past few months... the days are long (and usually filled with thoughts of how Jarem is coping with his never ending injuries...) but the weeks seem to fly by! Still, each day takes a concentrated effort to keep going and is strengthening my own resolve to follow what the spirit has confirmed are the right paths to take in my life.
Jarem is enjoying his mission... when he isn't sick, in the hospital, or hobbling around on assistive walking devices. So far, he has succeeded in tearing his ACL back in August, breaking his toe, and contracting pink eye multiple times. Besides this, he has the constant companionship of a spastic back, common colds, and strep throat. The nurse inside me is screaming! But, as heavenly father knows best, I am now getting my fair share of lessons in patience, faith, and sincere prayer. It doesn't help the worry that he is in a city with the highest percentage of pubs per square mile. He wakes up every night (at least once) to ambulance sirens, screaming, fighting, and anything else you can imagine. His guardian angels are getting a work out, and I owe them big time!
I am staying busy with nursing school, almost done with my first real semester. Between clinicals, school full time, work, and jogging I am staying busy. I have no health problems to report, but I am extremely thankful for the blessing of a working body free of diseases and illnesses. I love getting letters from my Jarem, and can't express my gratitude and appreciation for his example! He is the most wonderful and supportive friend and confidante I could have dreamed of. With him by my side, I could not fail at anything that came my way!!! He is really my best friend and, as impossible and hopeless as it seems at times, our bond has strengthened during this almost 7 months of being apart!
I had the wonderful opportunity to talk to Jarem on Christmas! I wasn't as emotional as I expected, but it was so amazing to hear his voice! It was like we hadn't been apart at all! I was able to tell him I love him (despite my phobia of saying it in front of his family) and thats all that mattered to me. I am so happy the time is passing by easier now and he is having much success with the work! I can't wait for it all to be over though...
So, to all those naysayers who doubt mine and Jarem's decisions... things are going better than ever! :) We are both growing so much and learning to become the people the Lord sees within us. Although there are moments of doubt, dispair, and confusion, my Heavenly Father has unfailingly pulled through for both of us as we continue our journey together.
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